HOW MUCH WORK DO GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES REALLY DO?
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Jul. 30, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. As you can see, we’re at the ‘Committee for Better Government’ building located at the government complex right here in the middle of the city. With us is the Chief of Operations, a Ms. Bernard.”
“You can call me Molly, Roving.”
“Okay. Alright. Now, Molly, I understand that you’re going to evaluate two government employees, right here on live television, to give the viewers an idea of what it is you actually do with our tax dollars.”
“That’s right, Roving. We give grades to every government employee who has a pay grade of GS11 or above. We also give out grades to certain military people. In the next hour we’ll give out two grades, so why don’t we go into the conference room and get the show on the road?
“Hello, everyone. With me is a person I’m sure you’re all familiar with, Roving, and he and his crew will be here televising their show, commonly referred to as ‘WAYLAY!’, but don’t let that intimidate you. Let’s just conduct our business as we always do, every day. Any questions? No? Then let’s get started.”
“Hello, Roving and crew, I’m Cheryl and I’m in charge of donuts, soft drinks and coffee. I’m a GS13 and I got a grade of 4.0 on my last evaluation. May I take your order? Everyone else is already taken care of. Molly, your chocolate-crème and coffee is ready for you.”
“Thank you, Cheryl.”
“Excuse me, but did you say you’re a GS13? And all you do is to hand out coffee and donuts?”
“I’ll handle this, Cheryl. Somebody has to hand out the donuts and coffee. Why, you ever hear of a meeting without donuts and coffee? See? Why, at the Pentagon Captains pour the Admiral’s coffee, and Commanders pour the Captain’s.
“Okay, let’s start and, please, no more interruptions. We’re a government agency which takes our jobs seriously. Let’s start.
“Okay, this person was a Senator and then a Secretary of State and got four people killed in Benghazi. She hasn’t done anything except get four of our troops killed and shared all her emails with the Muslim Brotherhood. Let’s go around the table, staring with you, Tim.”
“Not a bad record. I mean, she didn’t do anything, but then she didn’t undo anything. It’s true that four died under her watch, but you could say that only four died, if you get my point. I’d give her a 3.5.”
“Thank you, Tim. Excellent and in-depth reporting. Dea, you’re next.”
“I agree with Tim, except I’d give her a 3.8. As Tim reported, she killed only four.”
“Thank you, Dea, excellent reporting. I’m really proud of all of you for doing such good work. Anybody have anything to add? Bob? Nothing?”
“Okay, I agree with you all except for the fact that she lied to the parents of those who were set up and murdered. Also, they asked for help and nothing was done. Nothing. So let’s give her a 3.7, okay?”
“Usually we’d be taking a half hour break after such a strenuous session, but because Roving is under time constraints, we’ll just dive right into our second candidate for evaluation.
“Bob, what’s your assessment of the next person we’re to evaluate?”
“Absolutely destroying our military. Why, in a few years the only people that will be in the military will be illegal immigrants and Muslims. The Rules of Engagement are directly responsible for 22 Veterans committing suicide a day, which is encouraged by this Administration. Obama’s been importing millions of Muslims and there’s so much corruption going on that I don’t know where to start. So, I’m sorry, but I’d give him a 3.0, maybe a 2.9.”
“Bob, I know you’re new to this department; what?, you’ve been here only eight years, right? Okay, so you know you can’t go on record with such a low assessment. We know who you’re talking about, so maybe you better re-evaluate and tell us another number.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right, of course. It was my mistake. I forgot about the great nuclear deal, Egypt, Libya, Sudan, Ukraine and all the other hot spots. Also the tax code and the Federal Reserve Bank’s Charter, not to mention Affordable Health Care. My calculations give him a number of 4.0.”
“Dea? Bob? All you others? Then we’re all agreed. Our second candidate gets a 4.0. Now we can take that much-needed break, but first let me thank you for being so diligent in your jobs. I know this is hard work, but someone’s got to do it and you do it very well, which makes my job that much easier.
“Well, Roving, what did you think of our process? See, we do give the taxpayers their money’s worth, don’t we?”
“Wow! I’m speechless, and it takes a lot to make me speechless. I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it for myself. You gave Hillary a 3.7? A ‘B+’?! I’ve seen some La-La lands in my lifetime, but this takes the cake. And you people act as if you’re serious. Why, you even believe in your own lies.
“Hillary deserves an ‘F-’, at best. And Obama. Why, he should’ve been arrested years ago. He deserves a BIG FAT Zero. ZERO. ZERO!
“Look, Molly. You’re a nice lady and I’d like to ask you for a date, but, my gosh!, you people act as if this is normal. It’s not. This is not normal. This ‘Committee for Better Government’ is nothing but a whitewash for incompetence. Can’t you see that?”
“I’d be proud to go on a date with you. Here’s my card. Pick me up at 7.”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Seven sharp. Well, okay, that’s our show. Thanks for watching. I guess what we just witnessed is that government departments protect one another, no matter who, what or why. This is Roving, goodnight.”
“You really going to take her out?”
“You bet, but I want you guys to come along for the ride. We’ll call it ‘Roving Goes to Town’ or some other nonsense. Heck, if she’s not game, I’ll still treat y’all to a burger, deal? Great. Let’s go back to the studio and edit away.”