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WHAT IS THE “FORMULA TO SUCCESS” FOR AMERICA?
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Jun. 24, 2015) — “Hello and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We’ve received a lot of fan letters desiring to hear our ever-popular ‘Let’s See Who We Can Waylay’ street interviews. So what do you say we get started? We see a young couple approaching.
“Hello. Roving Reporter here.”
“Get that camera out of my face! Run, Jean, run. You just probably cost me my marriage, you jerk.”
“What, you mean she’s not your wife?”
“She’s not anybody’s wife. She likes married men and soon I’ll be single again, no thanks to you and your stupid ‘Let’s See Who We Can Waylay’ interviews. My wife watches your stupid show. I bet you ten-to-one she’s on the phone to her lawyer, which just so happens to be her brother, the bum. Never liked him from the start, and now I’ll have a real good reason not to like him in the future, no thanks to you and your stupid show.”
“Wait! Don’t go. I got a question for you. I mean, in for a penny, in for a pound, right?”
“Well, okay. I guess that’s the last I’ll see of Jean. Too bad. Okay, go ahead, ask away.”
“Is the country in good or bad financial shape?”
“Next question: what would you do to fix it?”
“Me? Me fix it? Look, pal, no chance. I’m looking at a highly-inflated alimony payment, no thanks to your camera-wielding person there. Yes, you. I know you can hear me. You try and zoom in and I’ll give you a black eye, is what I’m going to do.”
“There, there. Look, the question wasn’t for you, personally, paying off the National Debt and fixing our balance of trade.”
“Oh. Here’s what I’d do. You asked me, and now I’ll tell you. It’s simple; it’s so simple you won’t believe it. One phone call, that’s all it’ll take. One simple phone call, and not to any politician or know-it-all big-mouth on television; no, it would be to one hard-working guy who has the formula for success.”
“Okay, I’m sure you’ve got the viewers’ attention, mine included. So, who are you going to call?’
“None other than Marcus Lemonis, The Profit. Put him in charge. Give him a month or two. Give him the power to fire any government employee on the spot. No stupid union nonsense. Let him put Lois Lerner in a Federal Pen. Let him go after the ‘Stimulus’ money that was used for the kickbacks and payoffs that got Obama ‘elected’.
“The USA can make money. Good place to start would be to kill every member of ISIS and then claim 50% of Iraq’s oil until the war is paid off. I guess in Afghanistan we’d make a deal with the poppy-growers and do the same deal with them.
“I’d give Marcus a chance, because what the clown in the White House is doing sure as heck isn’t getting it done, now, is it?
“Look, I hate to be rude and just be on my way, but you did destroy my life.”
“It’s my fault you were cheating on your wife?”
“You don’t know Jean. It wasn’t my fault. She really liked me, and here I am ten years older than she is. I couldn’t help myself. Remember Flip Wilson? Well, I say the same thing: ‘The Devil Made Me Do It.’”
“Remember that line for court.
“Well, I see that our time is about up. Thanks for watching. Goodnight.
“We off the air? Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have Jean’s phone number handy, would you?”