“A DONE DEAL”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(May 21, 2015) — The Arborians determined that Sol, our sun, is going to nova shortly, so they sent one of their travel agents down to earth to talk to one of us, and it just so happened I was the one chosen. One minute I was on my riding lawn mower and the next I was sitting in front of a desk facing a person who was the spitting image of Col. Sanders, I kid you not.
So I said, “Neat trick. What’s happening? And, no, I’m not the leader, but if they had a lick of sense I would’ve been, but I guess you know all of that, or else I’m making all of this up and I’m about to mow the flower bed.”
The Col. replied, “No, no, this is all real. Except I don’t really look like your Col. Sanders. Actually, I’m more of your Cookie Monster look-alike. And you’re right about the ‘should’ve been elected’ but you weren’t, so get over it. But then that’s how we found you, I mean, a person who would give us straight answers to our questions.”
“Shoot. I’m all ears. By the way, is my lawnmower just wasting gas or what’s happening with it? I mean, it’s not like loose and going to do damage, hurt anyone or run over a good snake, for instance?”
“Everything is in limbo, son, or should I call you Chief?”
“Not Chief yet. Just your everyday warrior who traded his Ka-Bar for a keypad.”
The Col. stands and puts his hands on his lapels, looks over the desk at me and says, “You sun is going ape in 24 hours.”
“Bananas.”
“Excuse me?”
“You said the ‘sun is going ape’. You should’ve said ‘bananas’, okay?”
“No wonder people don’t learn your language. English has so many wrong turns as to make a fellow’s head spin. Now, as I was saying, I can transport everything on your earth to another planet that has a moon and a sun just like yours. How does that sound?”
So I said, “Let’s do it. What’s the catch; there’s got to be a catch somewhere, don’t you think?”
So the Col. winked at me and said, “Of course there’s a catch, and here it is. Do you want everything exactly the same or do you want to start all over and do it right this time?”
“Really? Then let’s start all over again and this time I’ll run away to TJ with my first love and get hitched, how’s that sound?”
“No good, young man. You see, you don’t know what you know now, understand? You’ll just make the same damn mistakes again.”
“Okay, Old Man, let’s just keep everything the same and get out of here. I’ve got a lawn to mow and a nap to take.”
And then the Col. pointed his finger at me and said, “It has been left to you where you want the United States of America to be in your New World.”
And I said to him, “You’re just like all the other dumb people on our planet. The United States is only there because of the Constitution, and people believing in the Constitution, the Rule of Law, can live anywhere. America isn’t the grass and trees as much as it’s THE IDEA that all people are free to choose what they want to believe, where to live, what to do (or not), and who to marry and how many kids to raise. Or have a library card and who to vote for. And freedom of speech, understand?”
So then, trust me on this, the Col. reaches down and brings up a wand, a white stick with a gold star at the end.
And I say, “For real? A white wand with a gold star? That’s what’s going to transport everything on earth to the new planet? A white wand with a gold star?”
And the Col. Said, “You answered the prime question correctly. Consider the move a done deal, Chief,” and the next thing I knew I was riding my lawn mower heading for the flower bed.
And that’s what happened to me today, so if you see anything not quite 100% on target, maybe, just maybe, things weren’t rearranged as precisely as planned. Maybe Hillary didn’t actually tell the truth today.