“BEWARE OF ISLAM!”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Mar. 6, 2015) — ACT I
Prior to the curtain being raised, the sounds of dogs barking and yelping are heard. Curtain rises on Small Dog Park, America. Sign on stage right: Dogs 40 Pounds and under, Left. There are benches and chairs clustered near stage front, left. The stage is empty of dogs and people. The stage is well-lit. As the curtain is completely raised, people of all ages and races arrive at the dog park with dogs of all ages and makes, seven of each.
The dog owners are dressed as regular people, and the dogs are represented as actors in dog costumes. The “dogs” walk upright. Sounds of dogs barking end.
Border Collie owner: “Good morning, Jackson,” as she reaches over and pets a Beagle.
Beagle owner: waves to the Border Collie and says, “Good morning, Ginger.”
The dogs, being dogs (at the dog park), aren’t paying too much attention to the humans. They are acting like dogs, tails wagging and chasing tennis balls. The Beagle spots a squirrel and runs off.
Sheltie owner: “Hello, everyone.” Replies of “Good morning to you” and “Good morning Frannie” are heard.
Border Collie owner: “Oh look, here comes Princes.”
Chihuahua owner: “Princes was sure all fired up to get to the park today. Hello, Frannie, and Ginger. Where’s Jackson?”
Sheltie owner: “He’s looking for squirrels.”
Chihuahua Owner: “I thought Ginger was the squirrel-chaser.”
Border Collie owner: “I think it’s her day off.”
Mixed Breed owner: “Hello everyone,” and calls of “Good morning, Muttley.”
“Look at that,” “What is it?” “Why, I think it’s a puppy.”
German Shepherd puppy owner: “Good morning. This here is King and only weighs 30 pounds, so I hope it’s okay with the other dogs.”
“I’m sure it will be,” “Hello, King,” “There’s some squirrels around, unless Jackson chased them all away.” ‘Who’s missing?” “Wanda, the poodle.”
Just then, Wanda the poodle arrives.
Poodle owner: “Good morning, everyone,” followed by “Good morning” and “Jackson is chasing squirrels.”
Poodle owner: “Look at the dogs. Now isn’t that strange?”
The people sit themselves upon the chairs and benches, stage left, while the dogs gather in a line facing the audience, stage right, as the curtain is lowered.
End of ACT I
ACT II
Curtain rises on the last scene of Act I: people sitting, stage left, dogs in a row, facing audience, stage right.
Jackson: Steps out of line and walks to the front of the dogs. “Sit, and that goes for the puppy, too.” The dogs all sit.
Princes: “Will there be treats?”
Jackson: “Oh, boy. No, I’m sorry. Treats aren’t allowed in the Small Dog Park.”
Frannie: “What about the Large Dog Park?”
Jackson: “Oh, boy. Look, so what? Maybe they allow treats, maybe they don’t. It doesn’t affect us. So no treats, okay?”
Wanda: “How come they get treats and not us?”
Jackson: “Oh, boy. Nobody said they even get treats. Forget about treats.”
Chorus of “I like treats,” “Why them and not us?” and “How come we don’t any treats?” is heard.
Jackson: “SIT! No talking and listen. This is important, to all of you, puppy included. Remember that cartoon, “The Secret Files of the Spy Dogs,” the one about dogs living a secret life and fighting crime worldwide? Well, all of us don’t have secret hideouts, so this Small Dog Park will have to be our meeting place.”
Muttley: “Am I in the Army?”
King: “I’m too young to be in the Army, but I’d join anyway.”
Jackson: “That’s the spirit. Well done, King.”
Choruses of “Good dog” and “Well done” are heard.
Jackson: “Listen up. This is serious stuff. Life and death stuff. There’s a group of humans who’ve been KILLING US, for no good reasons whatsoever, for well over 9,000 dog-years, and they’ve become even bolder and more out-of control than ever before.”
Muttley: “You mean they’re more out of control? Since when have they ever been in control?”
Jackson: “Oh, boy. You’re right, Muttley. My mistake. They’ve never been in control.”
King: “Who we talking about?”
All the dogs together: “Islamists, that’s who.”
King: “Oh. Now it makes sense. That’s all my master and his mate talk about: the Muslims killing dogs and people. Disgusting.”
Jackson: “Yes, it is disgusting. So, here’s the deal: we have to be doubly on guard from now on. No eating stuff from the ground. No accepting food from strangers. You hear a noise, you bark. But, most importantly, you must be willing to sacrifice your life to give your master time to rearm, if that’s what it takes.”
Choruses of “I’m in!” “Double Guard Duty!” and “What about road-kill?” are heard.
Jackson: “Okay, you all know what to do. But here’s the most important bit of information I can give you. Cats may or may not be in cahoots with the Muslim hoards. Some cats say they’re on the side of Christ, and to those cats Ill give a pass. I guess what I’m trying to say is let’s give the cats a pass on this one.”
Duke: “I can do that,” followed by choruses of “Me too!”
Jackson: “Good. So cats are our friends. We’ll work together on guard duty so those with cats as brother and sisters, so to speak, can split up the guard duty.”
Choruses of “That we can do” are heard.
Jackson: “One last thing before we head off to act like dogs: keep a weather eye out for mean people approaching your master. It’s better to growl in error than to not growl and have your master harmed because you withheld a growl.
“We’ll meet again tomorrow, same place, same time, weather permitting.
“Dismissed,” at which point the dogs all run up to their masters and tell them (“Bark-bark!” Translation: Beware of Islam) what they just learned.
Curtain lowers.
FINI
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