REMOVING THE DISGUISE
by OPOVV, ©2014
(Jun. 2, 2014) — The best disguise yet devised is a beard or, conversely, clean-shaven. Let’s make you a convenience store robber. Not a wise career choice, perhaps, but then you’re really dumb and can’t figure anything out yet: you were truant the day they taught the part about “Thou Shall Not Steal.”
Okay, so you’re dumb, but you know that there are cameras everywhere these days. Because of all the bogus “Help me, I’ve fallen in aisle 3!” cases, in order for a business to procure liability insurance, it must have every square inch of the property covered by cameras whose signal is broadcast into outer space to end up somewhere off the property: no more removing the tape and destroying the evidence.
Let’s make it so you’ve worn a beard for the past ten years, or more; as a matter of fact, you don’t even know what you really look like. A beard is just a covering of hair hiding something under it. Why, you might as well have worn a surgeon’s mask over your face.
Another thing about a beard: it aids in hiding one’s expressions. An advantage of a beard in cold weather is that it aids in preventing frostbite.
Getting back to your poor career choice, you find a fake beard on the internet that, with a little touch-up, a little trimming with the scissors, a little hair dye here and there, and, Presto! A perfect replica of your real beard. So now you’re all set, the perfect disguise to let you rob without the worry of being identified (so you’re not “forced” to kill anyone, not that you care).
So here’s the question: we’ve all seen the photos of these five Muslims who were just released from Gitmo with beards, so how about seeing the photos of these five without the beards. Surely our intelligence people aren’t so DUMB as to never having taken a picture of any of our prisoners without the beards. Now tell me that our government isn’t THAT DUMB.