“LAZY AND SELFISH DIMWITS”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Jul. 11, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the popular show that tells it like it is. Sorry, Miss Johnson, I should’ve said, ‘Tells it as it is.’ Miss Johnson was my English teacher back at the one-room schoolhouse I attended as a child. I’m Chief New Leaf filling in for Roving who has, I understand, finished whatever he was up to in the San Diego area and is heading back home.
“Matter of fact, we have Roving on speaker. Hello, Roving, where are you calling from?”
“And hello to you, Chief, and to you viewers out there. I’m on the PCH heading up to Oceanside to look up an old friend; I hope he‘s still there.”
“So you’re finished with San Diego?”
“Well, not quite. I tried but at the end I just lost my nerve, I guess. Something happened; I mean, I actually saw her in person while I was walking Ginger, my dog, but I guess I, I don’t know, I mean, I didn’t want to upset her or anything, you know what I mean?”
“You mean you took, what, a month off and drove, what, 6,000 miles, round-trip, to see this woman, and when you finally see her you turn tail and run?”
“Well, I guess if you put it like that it doesn’t sound so smart.”
“I would have to agree with you, Roving.”
“But, listen, I learned a song that kinds-of explains it. I’ll pull over here and sing it for you. Just take a sec to get set up. Okay, ready? It’s called ‘Last Song’ by Edward Bear.”
“That was pretty good. Where did you learn how to play the guitar?”
“Oh, this old thing? Actually, it was my 10th birthday present. Last year I finally decided to learn how to play it so I took lessons, once a week for a year, to learn this song and a couple of others. Hey, nice talking with you, Chief; I got to hit the road. I’ll be watching ‘Pulse’ tonight. You’re doing a great job. See you.”
“And that was our Roving out there on the Pacific Coast Highway in his pickup truck, his guitar and his dog. Some people have it made. And look who just walked on up? Why, it’s none other than our favorite Professor, Zork. Hey, Zork, what’s happening?”
“Happening? And you in the news business? And you’re asking me? Okay, I’ve been watching television – which I rarely do, by the way – and listening to these nitwits talk about ‘motive’ and ‘reasons’ concerning the senseless murders in Dallas.”
“Alright, mind telling us what’s your take on it?”
“Not at all. Really, now; it’s not so complicated. It all has to do with power, the old ‘A man is king of his castle’ type of mental make-believe fantasy.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Okay, this may not be the whole reason and nothing but the whole reason, but I’ll lay it out for you anyway. First of all, I’d have to say that 80% of the black population is calm and thinking individuals, at least 75%; 70% for sure. Many fathers are missing-in-action, as it were, for whatever stupid reason.
“Bad decisions are made from incorrect intelligence, like if I rob a liquor store I’ll increase my chances of having a safe and happy life. I’ll be able to strut around like someone who is responsible and mature; someone who embraces the work ethic and is punctual; honest and understanding; in short, someone the ladies will admire.
“But the dream of someday being respected is just a pipe-dream for many lazy and selfish dimwits of the world; of the ghettos; of the projects, wherever they may be, from Beirut to Newark, in either direction.
“Those who blame everyone else on the planet for their sorry lives just don’t have it together and have the tendency to take it out on the helpless: animals, children and women. That’s right: they get drunk and beat on the pets, kids, girlfriends and wives.
“Now listen up, because here comes the punch-line: these scum — these bullies who beat on their women — want to be able to do the beating without interference, you with me? They think – well, maybe we don’t use the word ‘think’; let’s say they ‘react to stimulus that makes them use violence as an accepted problem-solving technique’ – that they have the right – as men (in their minds) – to discipline and render harm on anything they want to – without consequences – because they can, simply put.”
“Oh, I see, back to the ‘man is king of his castle’ thing.”
“Yes, very good. Well, to make this short because I’ve a meeting to attend to, cops tend to put a damper on the whole business of this corporal punishment. A man beating his wife, according to Islam, is just about a requirement and, get this, they don’t get into trouble and get thrown in the slammer, not by any cop, because the religious police are on the man’s side. Why, they can murder their wives and girlfriends and call it an ‘honor killing’ and that’s the end of it. Get away with murder.”
“So you’re saying this whole cop-hate and cop-killing is all about the cops interfering with the dude beating up his girlfriend? That’s it?”
“Listen: who and what is the last defense of a woman being beaten? Not the brother; what’s he going to do? Not the father for the same reason: they lack the authority and the resources to correct the problem at hand, and at hand it is, from 10:00 a.m. to 3 o’clock in the morning, rain or shine, seven days a week.
“The father, brothers, family and friends may be on vacation, at work, sick in bed, who knows, but the cop is ALWAYS there, during Christmas Eve to any other day of the year. And that’s a bad thing for the bully, isn’t it?”
“Which makes Islam a big draw, just for that reason: to ‘lord it over’ others. Isn’t that right?”
“Unfortunately, you’re quite correct. The cop on the beat is every woman’s best friend, while on the other hand the cop on the beat is every low-life’s worst enemy. Look, I don’t want to belabor the point: I’ve got to make my meeting. Bye.”
“Goodbye, and thank you for taking the time to talk to us. And what Zork said is true, I’m afraid to say: the tribal police have saved many Indian squaws from being beaten by a drunken boyfriend or husband. One would surmise that every woman would support the police to the very best of her ability; after all, as Zork said, the cop is the one person to call when your life is in danger; forget friends and family.
“I see that our time is up, and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.”
“Great show. Nice song by Roving, wasn’t it? Let’s grab a burger. My treat.”