by RR Productions, ©2024
(Sep. 17, 2024) — As the house lights dim the curtain rises to the music of “Beethoven’s 5th Symphony” (0:29). The stage is set as a courtroom with the judge’s bench left of center and the plaintiffs and DAs to the right.
Judge: “Please be seated. DA, you may state your case.”
DA: “Thank you, Your Honor. This is a capital murder case even though the murder hasn’t happened yet.”
Judge: “You’re saying you don’t have a body in the morgue? Nothing to identify? Then how can you charge the plaintiff with a murder if no murder even took place?”
DA: “Because, Your Honor, a murder may take place. We train our Veterans to kill the enemy and then bring our soldiers back into ‘The World’ after they do what we asked them to do and just sit back for the other shoe to drop.”
Judge: “So far you haven’t convinced me how you can charge a person with a crime when no crime has been committed.”
DA: “Well, Your Honor, we think a crime will be committed. We think it is our responsibility to prevent crime by arresting the guilty before they commit the crime, in this case capital murder.”
Judge: “You arrested the plaintiff on the charge of, what, a ‘thought crime?’ Is that what I’m hearing?”
DA: “Your Honor, he has more strikes against him than Florida has in springtime. He’s a high school graduate, has an Honorable Discharge from our armed forces, a college diploma and is a registered Republican, plus he has a ‘TRUMP’ political sign in his front yard; what more do you want?”
Judge: “I want a crime, is what I want.”
DA: “What about if he said he thought about the enemy on the battlefield as just as dangerous as someone he sees right here? What then?”
Judge: “Will the plaintiff’s lawyer please stand? How do you respond to the charge of what looks to be a ‘thought crime?’”
Plaintiff’s Mouthpiece: “Your Honor, my client is only after enemies of the Constitution. He does not recognize the Department of State and the Department of Homeland Security as being legitimate representatives of how the American people expect them to do their job. Truth be told, if the Dept. of Homeland Security had an ounce of patriotism, they would eliminate their jobs and declare the ‘Patriot Act’ unconstitutional.”
Judge: “We are not here to debate the failures of thousands of our fellow citizens turning their backs on what is good for the country over job security and a paycheck which leads to a retirement income. We are here to determine whether the DA’s charges against your client have any merit. In short, is a ‘thought crime’ a real crime? The DA says a ‘thought crime’ is a real crime, and I’m not talking about men daydreaming about girls [“Girls! Girls! Girls!” (0:52)].”
Plaintiff’s Mouthpiece: “Your Honor, the threat against our Constitution here, at home, in the United States, is just as real to my client as it was overseas.”
Judge: “But can your client make the distinction between the enemy over there compared to the enemy here? Oh, fiddlesticks, now you got me speaking convolutedly.”
DA: “If I may interject a possible solution, Your Honor?”
Judge: “By all means, DA, please do.”
DA: “If you see a colony of termites next to your house, you wipe them out.”
Plaintiff’s Mouthpiece: “I was just about to say that exact same thing.”
DA: “But that doesn’t mean those particular termites will devour your house.”
Plaintiff’s Mouthpiece: “Why take a chance? Be proactive and you save your house. Be proactive about doing away with those who want to destroy our way of life.”
Judge: “What say you, DA?”
DA: “He makes a point.”
Judge: “Indeed he does, but we can’t have wholesale slaughter in the streets, now, can we?”
Plaintiff’s Mouthpiece: “No, I suppose not. How about a one-way drive to the airport and a one-way ticket out of the country; will that please the court?”
Judge: “What about it, DA, do we have a deal?”
DA: “Sounds good to me as long as there’s no violence.”
Plaintiff’s Mouthpiece: “Except in self-defense.”
DA: “Except in self-defense.”
Judge: “Then we are in agreement. Case dismissed. Let’s go play some golf.”
The curtain lowers as the house lights brighten to the music of “Hit the Road Jack” (2:02)].
FINI