The Declaration of Dependence

by Thomas Reiner, ©2023

(Sep. 6, 2023) — We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. 
—Preamble to the Declaration of Independence

By 2023, we Progressives have been liberated and enlightened by our Teacher Union Controlled^TM education to learn what a crock this is.  This exercise in mendacity was obviously written by White slavers maybe a thousand or so years ago.  As we, The Awoken, know better, this claptrap is really a living document requiring fundamental change like its Big Brother: the United States Constitution.  Let’s all who are Righteous click “The Declaration of Independence” into our Spam folders and unsubscribe.  Let’s make it real, (wo)man and start anew with: 

The Declaration of Dependence

Our Oligarchs, who art in Washington, DC and Silicon Valley, hold these truths to be self-evident or else.  All humans who have survived their Free Choice^TM embryonic phase within the American lands stolen from others who in turn have stolen from others: POC, women, womyn, womxn, trans and even White Devils shameful of being men, are all born with certain unalienable Rights of Equity that among these are Free Everything^TM, subservience to the above Oligarchs, and the pursuit of the unquestionable and unchangeable tenet of Follow the Science^TM.

The list of Grievances is self-evident and already enumerated by MSNBC, CNN, The New York Times, Google and a host of other MainStream Media liberators on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, so chill out.  It would be unwise to commit these Grievances to inconvenient writing as they can and must be modified at will by The Oligarchs should the winds suddenly change their course.

In every stage of these Oppressions, We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Burning and looting cities, defunding the racist police, opening our borders to millions of future Democrat voters and conducting Election fraud. All Conservatives who oppose our list of Oppressions may be defined a Tyrant, unfit to be the ruler of a liberated people.

The history of the present configuration of fifty States imbued with constitutional rights is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the Federal Government and its many Federal Agencies.  We must be unchained to provide Free Everything^TM to all victims of this unjust society fueled by seizing the assets of The Rich People^TM (who are not Oligarchs).  Work is for chumps. Why work when you can get a tasty check from The Government?  We would dissolve our allegiance but the Government-supplied weed is just too Righteous And Strange^TM, so someone else needs to perform these tasks for us.