by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Aug. 18, 2023) — “Trump Won” (3:30)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is a Veteran from — from when? What war or ‘Police Action’ did you serve?”
“I’m sorry; I wasn’t paying attention. What was your question?”
“How old are you?”
“I’m old enough to teach you some manners, young man. What I think is we ought to call ‘The General’ and have him draw some of his intricate multi-colored chalk diagrams.”
“Did someone call for me?”
“Well, what a surprise, it’s ‘The General.’”
“That’s right, Roving. Careful with that, boys. Over here. Give them a tip, Roving. Thanks, guys. Well, here it is: my chalkboard with new casters; what you think?”
“Quiet as a mouse.”
“Rolls easy as pie. And look here.”
“Lights! Pretty slick, General, Sir.”
“I’m not going to say a word about you being out of uniform except that I’m sending you to the PX with a free pass to charge anything you want on my account. Charge some Dress Blues; get squared away.”
“No way; sorry, Sir. Never shall I don a uniform again. I’m O-U-T and that’s the end of the story.”
“Not quite, son. These ‘Smash & Grabs’ will stop in one day if you allow Veterans to be armed guards at any store they think needs help. Call them the ‘Double-Tap Squad’ to make the point. ‘YOU LOOT, WE SHOOT.’ End of story. No survivors, okay? And have them hand out pamphlets of the Ten Commandments; underline ‘THOU SHALL NOT STEAL.’”
“What kind of weapons will these guards carry?”
“Well, they’ll have to qualify on the shooting range, but the weapon of choice would be the 1911 Colt, a .45 caliber pistol so that if the first round doesn’t do them in, the second surely will. Plus, there’s the really ‘BIG BANG!’ aspect of the weapon that we all like. Gets people’s attention really quick like, I’ll guarantee you that.”
“General, you amaze me with another great idea that will surely work with absolutely no downside. The stores will be safer, the bad guys will stay home or get a job, and everyone will learn about the Bible. Sounds like a win-win situation.”
“And it’ll end the ‘SMASH & GRABS’ faster than you can shake a stick at.”
“Okay, we’ll endorse your idea for all across America. And now, this is your Roving Reporter, on behalf of ‘The General’ and friend, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Great show, and the idea to stop the ANTIFA, BLM and all the other bums sounds great to me. Let’s do it, America. By the way, the Veterans will do it for free; they’ll even bring their own weapons and ammo. Won’t cost anybody anything. Burger time, my treat.”