by OPOVV, ©2018

(Oct. 3, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to more of annoying people who are blissfully going about their day, about to board the train to the big city. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for another riveting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that just lays it out there for you to decide. Excuse me — yes, you — stop, we want to interview you. What are you running for? What are you running from? Tackle him; good; hold him down. Don’t squirm. Look, we want to interview you on live TV. Let him up. How come you ran from us? What’s that? Sign language? Does anybody know how to sign ‘Sorry about that’? Excuse me while we get in touch with our lawyer during this break.”

Sancta Dorothea, S187” (2:39)

“Okay, we’re back. Excuse me, sir, Roving for ‘Pulse.’ Care to be interviewed on live TV? You do? So, what’s your name and then tell us what you think about Socialism.”

“Name is Paul. There’s this place, see, where half the people cut the lawns of the other half.”

“So, what are you saying, that there’s only two kinds of vehicles on the road, ones with trailers with riding lawnmowers and those not towing anything?”

“That’s right.”

“So what happens in the wintertime?”

“The bottom line is that the people who had their lawns cut in the summertime do the repairs to the machines in the wintertime.”

“Sounds reasonable. Is there a bottom line and, if so, what is it?”

“It’s the ‘ying and yang’ scenario of life; the village in the mountains produce cheese and the one at the water’s edge fish; we make the coffee pots and the South Americans grow the beans: it’s called Capitalism and nothing-but-nothing happens on the planet earth without an exchange of goods, which is the NUMBER ONE reason why Socialism is a total failure. Let me ask you this: if you had a choice of the best car that was manufactured in a Socialist country vs. a Capitalist country, which one do you think you’d choose?”

“Now that’s a rhetorical question if I ever heard one. And here’s your train. Have a great day, Paul. Let’s take a break.”

Sherry” (2:32)

“Okay, we’re back and we have a young woman with us. Mind telling us your name and what do you do, and the question of the day: ‘Explain the differences between Capitalism and Socialism?’”

“No, not at all; piece of cake. My name is Sherry; I’m a Professor of Economics here at the university and the difference between Capitalism and Socialism is that one works and the other doesn’t; one has a track record of success while the other’s track record is of human suffering; and one has a bright future while the other’s pinnacle of success is the day they started, and it went downhill from there. And there’s my train; off to work!”

“Have a great day. What’s her name? Sherry? Have a great day, Sherry. Was that amazing, or what? What are the chances of us getting a really knowledgeable person to succinctly answer our question about Socialism? Let’s ask Molly, our sound-boom operator, who just happens to be a part-time English teacher. Hey, Molly, what are the chances of that happening? A million to one? Thanks. I’d like to ask Molly to marry me but I’m afraid of rejection so I’ll just pine for her until the day I die, I guess. Okay, let’s get back to work. Excuse me, sir; care to be interviewed on TV? Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”

“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhearing your conversation with your cameraman. You should ask Molly to marry you; be a fool not to. How long have you known each other?”

“Forty years, but let’s get on with it, if you don’t mind. I don’t want to appear rude, you understand, but we don’t want our show to become a soap opera. So, what’s your name and what’s your main gripe these days?”

“My name is Orville and my main gripe is Trump; like, he said he would make that Russian Collusion investigation public but we haven’t heard one word about it, have we? Good thing I wasn’t holding my breath.”

“You know, you’re right? That Kavanaugh witch hunt distracted us for a couple of weeks. How long has it been?”

“Couple of weeks. Very disappointing. I say get on with it; expose those, well, let me just say ‘expose those…’, see, I can’t say it on television, can I?”

“No you can’t, but we get what you were going to say. This your train? Bye. Excuse us while we break for a commercial.”

In the Mood” (3:40)

“Okay, we’re back. Who’s next? And you are?”

“Oh, isn’t this exciting? I’ve never been on television before.”

“Let me bring you down to reality: it’s as exciting as the paycheck.”

“That’s because you haven’t hit the big time; you’re not in New York; you’re just some hick out in the boondocks, fighting the weather every day, interviewing people who couldn’t care less.”

“Well, maybe someday you’ll get the nerve to say what’s really on your mind. So, what’s your name, what do you do and what’s bugging you these days?”

“What’s bugging me is this Ford character, which reminds me of that sleaze of a judge on FOX, that Judge Napolitano, who said that Ford was ‘believable.’ My foot, she was a believable as Hillary Clinton was as she was blaming Benghazi on some no-account video. My name is Julie; I’m a lawyer for the Cook County D.A., and I really hate these women who cry wolf [“Peter and the Wolf theme” (0:20)] when there is no wolf, which makes it doubly hard for someone who was really violated. I see it quite often, I’m sad to say. I mean, I see plenty of distraught women who abuse the system to know the real thing when I see it, and this Christine Blasey Ford character is the furthest from the truth than I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been working in the DA’s office over ten years.”

“Surely there are other things bugging you.”

“Yes, and it’s about this Russian Collusion ridiculousness. So it’s been a year and a half and they’ve found nothing on Trump but plenty on Hillary, with the Uranium One heist taking center stage, which to crooked mainstream media is off-limits, because it’s the truth. And this here is my train pulling in. See you.”

“Okay, and thanks. And now it’s that time when we have to sign off and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show except when it wasn’t so good. Burger time: my treat.”

My Rifle, My Pony and Me” (3:25)


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