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BE ARMED AND READY, “BUT STAY COOL”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Nov. 15, 2015) — “Let’s see if I got it right.”
“Listen, I’ve gone over it twice before and nothing’s going to change the third time I tell it.”
“But it doesn’t make any sense. Look, I’m confused. You say we’re supposed to guard this-here ship, but you didn’t give us any bullets. Look at me: proper uniform and a gun but no bullets. What is this, some kind of joke? Like USS Cole deja vu?”
“Listen, Murphy, I’m getting it up to here with your smart remarks. Just walk around and keep your mouth shut.”
“Okay, but where’s the bullets? If we get attacked, they’ll come after us guards first. What do you say we put up a sign at the end of the gangplank: “WARNING! Guards Carry No Ammo!”
“Murphy, one more time and I’ll put you on report. Now, just do your guard duty routine.”
“Gee, Murph, why do you always have to open your mouth to him?”
“Because he’s an idiot, that’s why. Okay, guys, gather round. Here, each of you get a full clip. Insert it thusly, see? Pull back and now the chamber is, as they say, hot. Make sure this lever, here on the left, is like this: that’s the safety switch. To fire, flip it with your thumb. And that’s it. At the end of our watch I want my clips back. I can’t save the world but what I can do is save myself, and don’t let that Sergeant of the Guard cower you. Now stay alert. I know nothing’s going to happen but let’s take this seriously anyway, okay?
“Look, nobody put me in charge, but I don’t want to get blown away because some Boot couldn’t handle guard duty. I’ll watch your back and you watch mine: it’s the way of the world. You know why guys and girls on their first date sit facing each other in the restaurant? To watch for some jealous ex-lover attacking from the rear, that’s why. If they can get through the first date without one of them getting stabbed in the back, maybe they’ll have a second, but in order to have a second you’ve got to live through the first. Got it?
“Look, I wouldn’t want to bust your bubble, but these so-called ‘Rules-of-Engagement’ by Obama is one sure-fire method to go home in a body bag, trust me.
“My philosophy? Easy: ‘It’s better to let the other poor slob die for whatever he’s fighting for than for you to die needlessly.’ You got it all wrong: World War II is over and done with. We’re not fighting for God and Country anymore; we’re just fighting to stay alive, and that’s it, understand?
“If you’re unsure, better to make a mistake and live to regret it rather than mess up and get the ship and all your shipmates blown to Kingdom Come.
“Look, Obama is an usurper, meaning he’s not Constitutionally eligible to be the president and, therefore, illegal to be the Commander-in-Chief. He was never vetted, okay?
“If you put it like that, then, yes, I am smarter than everyone in Washington. The Constitution is very clear: your mother and father have to have been United States citizens at the time of your birth, okay? End of story. And that goes for Cruz and Rubio, too.
“Remember that so-called stimulus money that Obama borrowed from China? It wasn’t for any ‘economic stimulus;’ it was used to pay back those who falsified the votes to get him elected in the first place. His name never should’ve been on the ballot; it’s really just that simple. Republican and Democrat election board supervisors, Secretaries of State, Attorneys General were all in on the scam: the smart one got paid and the dumb ones just got used, but they’re all traitors equally. I mean, just because one took a million and the other one didn’t get any doesn’t mean a hill of beans.
“Alright, keep your eyes open. See you in less than four hours.
“He asked why I got so whacked-out when I got divorced. Okay, I’ll tell you why. See, a wife is supposed to be your best friend, but more. The ‘more’ part is she’s supposed to watch your back, right? It’s simple: if she’s cheating, how can she watch your back?
“That’s right, it’s that basic. If you can’t trust your best buddy to watch your back, it’s better to fight life alone; that way if you mess up you’ve no one to blame except yourself. You just learn to rely on yourself, that’s all.
“Now don’t get trigger-happy. Stay alert but stay cool; be calm: breathe in, breathe out. Piece of cake.
“Nope, I ain’t no marriage counselor, besides, what I just said all’s been said before.”