“GET WITH THE PROGRAM”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Dec. 7, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another exciting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ As you can see, our editor is exercising her mean streak by putting us out on the sidewalk under the umbrella on the corner across from the railroad station facing that cruel north wind, and even though we’re somewhat protected from the rain, there’s no protection from the gale.
“But we’re troopers so we do what we’re told – to a point – and just go about our business and keep our mouths shut; no complaints, not from us. Nope, we just stand out here like a trio of complete idiots. Might as well hang a sign on us saying, ‘I’M WITH STUPID: I VOTED FOR HILLARY.’ Wait a minute; here comes that Vietnam Veteran with the talking dog.”
“I heard that. The dog doesn’t talk. What, are you crazy or something?”
“But I thought…”
“No, you didn’t. The dog uses telepathy. Dogs don’t talk. What’s next, dogs writing ‘War and Peace,’ or maybe ‘The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire’? But this I will tell you: it has been divulged to me that dogs did write the scripts for the ever-popular cartoon series, ‘Dastardly and Muttley.’ Dogs are the funniest animals on the planet, with the exception of Mel Brooks.”
“Never thought of dogs as funny.”
“You would if you had one, or if you have one maybe you ought to be paying a little bit more attention. Okay, maybe they don’t do ‘stand-up,’ but if you’d look at them as if you’re watching a silent movie, maybe then you’ll see it. What’s the question of the day?”
“Were you surprised at Trump’s win?”
“Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, a ragtag group of American soldiers, Marines and sailors were surrounded by an overwhelming force of slope-heads.”
“What’s a ‘slope-head’? And why are Marines not referred to as soldiers or, for that matter, sailors? After all, aren’t the Marines part of the Navy?”
“It’s like this: we need the Marines because they are Marines. Too much of a good thing would be the whole Army acting like Marines: it would be too much of a good thing; trust me. And, true, the Marines are part of the Navy, but it’s not really a good idea going around broadcasting it.
“And ‘slope-head’ could be a Philippine or a Vietnamese, but ‘Gook’ would work for a North Vietnamese.
“Getting back to the subject at hand, this ragtag force was pinned down. It was getting dark, so they were ordered to ‘wait it out’ ‘til sunrise. Well, one guy didn’t agree, so he took it upon himself to lead them — crawling on hands and knees — to where the bad guys had their camp, slit the throats of the sentries, and killed all the rest, without losing a man or getting anybody else wounded in the process any more than they already were.
“So the point of the story is that ragtag group who went out that night expected to prevail, and not just a little bit or part-time, but for keeps. And all those idiot pundits who keep on pushing the narrative of how Trump’s victory is an overwhelmingly stunning conclusion don’t know what in the heck they’re talking about. All those millions who voted for Trump EXPECTED TRUMP TO WIN, and if that isn’t clear enough for you, then you better get with the program or you’ll get left behind, just as Geraldo Rivera has been, and all his ‘little-brain’ pundit friends (Bill Kristol, et al), too.
“And off to the dog park we go. Been nice talking with you, and I hope we explained that Trump’s victory wasn’t so surprising after all, at least to those of us who were paying attention. I mean, Hillary would maybe have 3,000 at one of her political rallies while Trump would have 30,000! It was always a no-brainer, and those with no brains still aren’t on board; why, just look at Paul Ryan, for example. Bye.”
“Goodbye. Well, I see that our time is up and there’s no one out here to be interviewed anyway. And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing each and every one of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Let’s wrap it up and get away from this wind-chill and get inside. Burger time: my treat.”