Assimilate: NOT

“PIECE OF CAKE”

by OPOVV, ©2014

(Jan. 31, 2014) — ACT I

Curtain rises on a bleak desert scene with large sand dunes in the background; in the forefront on stage left is an oil-pumping station; on stage right are camels in the resting position; center stage shows an easel with a diagram of a vest bomb, a man in a three-piece suit with a pointer, a camera on a tripod, and about 20 young boys and men. The background music is the theme from “Lawrence of Arabia.”

The Suit speaks: “Pay attention. This is the last time we’ll meet. You’ve all been instructed on obtaining your particular ticket to the rewards that will be waiting for you at death. I trust that you’ll carry out your mission with the same enthusiasm of the many hundreds of thousands of the martyrs who have gone before you.”

“You will shortly board the bus that will take you to the airport and hence your destination. Remember this: the enemy is weak;we are strong. I learned English from the Americans themselves, a family who welcomed me into their home in an “exchange” program. Too bad their son met his death in a “car accident.” Stop the laughing! This is serious.”

“Thanks to the American geologists, they discovered billions of gallons of oil beneath our feet which translates directly into billions of petrol dollars which pay for our sending out groups such as you around the world. You are blessed with being the “Front-line Troops” of the “Islamic Conquest of the World,” a fight that has been raging for over 1,400 years. It wasn’t until the stupidity of the Americans that we now have the opportunity of a lifetime.”

“We will win because we have a purpose: to destroy Western Civilization, which allows their women to parade around naked for all men to see and, therefore, forced to commit crimes. It is not our young men’s fault for raping, beating, disfiguring, and “honor-killing” Western women; no, these wanton women bring it upon themselves for exposing themselves to the temptation of our men. Swedish women going out without a male escort and without the proper coverings! Exposed ankles! Arms uncovered! No head scarf! Mouths uncovered so our young men can be tempted by lipstick! Painted fingernails!”

“The Taliban would pull painted fingernails out with pliers! An unescorted girl would be hog-tied, buried up to her neck and stoned to death! Justice was done! And that is what we are striving for in the future.”

“So, off you go to build our armories in dilapidated grocery stores that we’ll call “Community Outreach Centers of Faith” or some other such nonsense. We’ll have these “Mosques” in every community within 20 years. We will whine and complain about “Religious Freedom” until we get private rooms where we can’t be overheard: we’ll call them “prayer rooms.” No laughing! This is serious business! We’ll board planes in the American stereotype of what a Muslim should look like, but the ones with the bombs will look like your everyday Americans.”

“Just do your job. Goodbye.”

Curtain lowers.

ACT II

Curtain rises on a typical modern airport. From stage left we see our Muslim men and boys accompanied by their wives and daughters, all wearing black burqas, the kind that has a screen in front of the eyes. As they approach the customs desk, a man who is dressed and looks exactly like the men arriving stands. The background music is Jill’s Theme from “Once Upon a Time in the West.”

Customs Agent: “Welcome, Brothers and Sisters, to America. All is well? Pleasant journey? I have to ask what brings you to America, “The Great Satan,” the “Land of the Infidels?”

Immediately, the incoming group forms two lines, the women in front throwing off their burqas, revealing 1890’s dance-hall attire, the men and boys attaching Nazi armbands, and all begin to sing and dance to Mel Brooks’ “Springtime for Hitler and Germany.”

At the conclusion of the dance routine, the men remove the armbands while the women don their burqas.

Custom Agent: “Well, yes, of course. I knew it when I first saw you. Welcome to America. Hope your stay here is as successful as Maj. Nidal Hasan’s was. The Infidel’s Army is still letting Muslims join; also their government is still hiring us Muslims so it’ll all be a lot easier than we ever expected. Also, our “Ace in the Hole” (Obama) is still in the White House, believe it or not. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

The group passes through customs with no checking documents or bags: they just sail on through, exit stage right.

Curtain lowers.

FINI

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