by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Aug. 24, 2022) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is a playwright who is no stranger to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Welcome aboard, playwright. So, what have you got for us this time?”

“Two tickets to the premiere of my new play, ‘The Kidnapping of a Governor,’ and the curtain is about to go up. Let’s go in.”

Act I

As the house lights dim, the curtain rises on a neighborhood bar to the Cheers Intro(1:02). Against the back wall runs the bar; one pool table to the left and a few scattered tables to the right. It’s a Friday night and the place is full, not packed, but full. Table front stage center is occupied by four men of around 30 years of age. There are a couple of half-full pictures and four half-full mugs on the table.

“You say his shoes were shined?”

“Like a cop’s.”

“So, you think he was a cop?”

“I just said he was. Plus, he gave me an envelope, this envelope.”

“It’s empty.”

“How about two thousand bucks in cash, 100’s.”

“Okay, for what?”

“All we got to do is kidnap the Governor.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Well, first of all he said I needed the money, which is true. And then he said because I’m a registered Republican, again true.”

“Which Governor?”

“Ours.”

“No way, are you crazy? I wouldn’t be caught dead in the same room with her. Talk about looney. Forget it.”

“Look, I’m not saying we would for real kidnap her — although for the life of me I can’t figure out why anyone would want anything to do with her in the first place — just pretend we would. He said he’d pay us. In cash.”

“How much, in cash?”

“Maybe $60,000 is how much in cash.”

“I’m in.”

“Me, too.”

“Same here. So, what do we have to do?”

“Fake it, which should be pretty easy.”

“How stupid is this guy? Does he know anything about our Governor, how hated she is? How utterly stupid she is? Just like Tim said, I wouldn’t be caught dead in the same room with her. So, all we have to do is pretend we’re as stupid as the cop with the shiny shoes, right? What kind of cop is he?”

“A stupid cop.”

“Sounds like a Fed.”

“FBI? They’re pretty stupid these days.”

“I say we play along and bank the money, right?

“Right on.”

“I’m in.”

“Then it’s unanimous.”

“What do we call ourselves?”

“How ‘bout ‘The Four Mousketeers?’

“What about ‘The Gang that Outsmarted the Feds?’

“Let’s sleep on it.”

“Let’s do. See you later.”

“Mum’s the word.”

“Bye.”

“Later.”

“Goodnight.”

House lights brighten as the curtain lowers to In the Hall of the Mountain King(3:00).

FINI


“Well, what did you think of it?”

“I liked it; hope it does well. And that’s all the time we have so I’ll just wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

Amarillo by Morning” (2:53)

Roving Reporter

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