by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Aug. 14, 2022) — “Wooden Heart” (2:02)

[Note: The staff of ‘Pulse’ is a shoestring small business operation that consists of a handful of ‘roving’ reporters who share the handle of ‘Roving Reporter.’ Chief New Leaf has offered us the use of his RV, which is the reason we can report from all over the lower 48.]

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. With us today is retired Seaman Joey Johnson. Welcome aboard, Joey. Answer me this: how do you retire as a Seaman?”

“It was actually pretty easy; I just refused the ‘Clot Shot’ so they demoted me from a Rear Admiral down to seaman.”

“Did they still salute you and call you ‘Admiral?’”

“Funny that you should ask that, but, yes, they did.”

“So, you’re retired as a…Seaman?”

“That’s quite correct, Roving, but I started a rather successful company.”

“Well, so far you’ve been very interesting; what kind of company did you start?”

“I am in the Halloween Mask business and I think my first year will be very successful.”

“That’s great, but why do you think so?”

“Well, the IRS wants to hire its own private GESTAPO force, you know, to compete with the FBI.”

“Yes, we heard about that. They want some 87,000 new agents or some such ridiculous number.”

“That’s right, so I decided to market a ‘Full Combat Lois Lerner Halloween Costume with BoonDockers*, Ray Bans and an AK-47 Replica.’ Pre-orders are going through the roof.”

“No way.”

“And for a small additional charge we offer a recording, in a Lois Lerner voice, ‘Pay up or I will exercise my legal right to shoot you.’

“And you say you have pre-orders?”

“More than a million.”


“You’re telling me. I was afraid they would withhold my Navy retirement check, but now I don’t care.”

“What a great story. Thanks for being on the show. What do you say we take a quick break; be right back.”

If I Fell” “2:19“

“And we’re back with Sandy Ferguson, a lawyer who specializes in illegal searches and seizures by the government. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”

“And thank you for inviting me. I’ve been a big fan of ‘Pulse’ for over ten years.”

“That’s nice. So, Mar-a-Lago.”

“Big mistake by the government, and by that, I mean the Deep State. Usually, a takeover is accompanied by a lot more resistance than what we saw, when Mike Judas Pence certified illegal votes on Jan. 6, but he had the full support of the Fake News, the military, the Dems and all the other stupid people in our country who tore down statues, supported BLM, and believed in the ‘Russian Collusion Hoax.’

“Well, we still have the Second Amendment.”

“We have government goons** and the police who willingly follow illegal orders, and – now pay attention because this is important – the reason, the ONLY reason why the Deep State is getting more guns on the ground is to make it more efficient to confiscate our guns; simple as that. It has nothing whatsoever to do with taxes.”

“That’s rather interesting.”

“Think of the cops hiding during Columbine, Virginia Tech, Parkland, and others. It’s the modus operandi of the police everywhere, so the solution they’ve come up with is intimidation, OVERWHELMING INTIMIDATION. Face it, the Deep State wants our guns and will do anything to get them, lawful or not. Makes no difference to them.”

“What about the Second Amendment?”

“The Deep State (Dems and RINOS) do not recognize the Constitution as anything more than an outdated joke.”

“Well, I see we’ve another commercial break. Thanks for being on the show. Now you viewers out there, don’t go anywhere.”

Paperback Writer” (2:18)

“And we’re back with Jamie Swan, a behind-the-scenes contributor to our show. So, what have you got for us today?”

“After all these years, they finally got to Salman Rushdie, so he is in pretty bad shape. A really great writer. I have to say he’s at the top of my list of people who should have been carrying a lightweight .357 Magnum. Enough said.”

“Enough said?”

“Enough said except that if anyone wanted proof that there is no freedom of speech in Islam, Rushdie is the proof.”

“Well, I must say you have irrefutable evidence of your accusation. I see that our time has expired so, on behalf of Jamie, this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.”

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*BoonDockers: Combat Boot.]

[**Government goons: Picture of goon standing at the gate to Mar-a-Lago.]

The Sturmabteilung (SA) helped to propel Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party to power in 1930s Germany

[The NAZI Party confiscated the people’s guns and look what happened to them; Fidel took the guns and Cuba became Communist; and look at what Maduro did to Venezuela, like to eat dog. The Deep State wants our guns and once our guns are gone, so too is our country. And once we are disarmed, the government’s goons will pounce and won’t wait for the middle of the night.]

[Little People are geared up and ready to rock ‘n roll.]

For What It’s Worth” (6:41)

Roving Reporter

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