From: Chris Cirino
Date: December 24, 2021 at 9:34:31 AM EST
To: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com
Cc: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject:Joey’s Year In Review
Good day Deano,
I hope today finds you well, Dean Baquet, Executive Editor of the esteemed New York Times. The same to you AG Sulzberger, publishing scion to same said news outlet. I thought, as we are in the midst of this beloved Christmas (oops sorry, holiday season), whew, that was close—we should reflect on some of the major accomplishments of our Commander-in-Chief….Joey, and his phenomenal administration.
Joey’s Year In Review
Well, it certainly has been a banner year for Joey. I mean the hits just keep on coming for the Harris/Biden administration. Seeing as Joey keeps referring to Kamala as President, I guess their titles should be in the correct order.
Believe it or not, these radical right wingers are referring to this administration as the proverbial dumpster fire. They are undecided as to whether this administration is intentionally trying to destroy this once great country, or if they are just the most incredibly incompetent, inept group of nefarious frauds, masquerading as our country’s leaders. They want to know if those magnificent hair plugs of Joey’s, actually drilled into what is left of his feeble brain? Let’s look at some of these issues, shall we Deano.
Covid And Various Varients
I think the greatest achievement so far of the installed POTUS, is his mastery of defeating the ubiquitous Covid-19 and assorted variants that accompany it. Remember when Old Joe campaigned from his Delaware basement on the premise of stopping the virus dead in its tracks. His famous quote of, “I will not shut down the economy, I will shut down the virus!” Well Deano, just look at what he has accomplished……….well, never mind those pesky details.
As usual, those radical right wingers won’t leave well enough alone. Here’s what they are saying. They say, this may be the flagship screwup of this fraudulently installed administration. If only CNN kept up with their daily death tote board, that they proudly displayed 24/7 during elected President Trump’s tenure, you could see that Lying Biden has surpassed all of last years covid deaths………and this is with the miracle of vaccines!
Little Joey, addressed the country recently and declared his (unconstitutional) vaccine mandates aren’t here to disrupt American lives, they are here to save American lives! Of course, this mandate does NOT apply to illegal aliens streaming over our border at a feverish pace, with fentanyl in tow. By the way fentanyl overdose is now the number one killer of adults 18-45, just another feather in Joey’s cap! When this question gets posed to Talibiden….oh wait, this question never gets asked. Evidently, it’s not on the preapproved list of questions. We do know his favorite ice cream is chocolate chip, so we got that going for us. So, I mean, lighten up Conservatives; over 400,000 deaths with all these mandates and vaccines in under 11 months is no easy task. But that is Joey doing what he does best, …..besides pathologically lying that is, you know, failing abysmally.
This may be the case, but other Conservatives point to the Afghanistan disaster that led to the deaths of 13 service personnel and numerous innocent civilians. They quote former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, saying “this withdrawal strategy by Joey Taliban was in fact, imbecilic.” Joey, of course, being the chief imbecile. As of this Christmas holiday, there are STILL Americans left abandoned in Afghanistan. As the Liar-in-Chief declared, “we will not leave one American behind.” This of course was until the Taliban laid down the ground rules with a withdrawal date and the houseplant masquerading as the installed POTUS in the White House gladly agreed to it. Classic Joey! President Trump is a racist!
Let’s not forget about the runaway inflation that Joey has accomplished in such short time. The highest year over year increase in 39 years…bravo O’biden, well done. I mean who else could have accomplished this, perhaps Jimmy Carter, another Democratic superstar. Who doesn’t like paying 45% more for gas or $10 a pound for bacon? Or, paying an average of $45,000 for a new car, a year over year an increase of approximately 13% from last year. Some job, eh Deano?
The good news is due to Petey Buttigieg, (distinguished transportation chief) being on maternity leave for an inordinate amount of time, we have a catastrophic bottleneck at our ports. I guess no one else was in charge while Petey was nursing. I mean what guy doesn’t get months and months and months of maternity leave? Ease up radical right. So, even if you have the extra income for said items, you most likely won’t be able to get them, due to Petey’s brilliant management skills. I do understand that he and his partner were able to secure a bouncing chair for their bundle of joy, which is nice.
White House Turmoil
Now, I understand there is some inner turmoil within the White House. It seems staffers and aides claim the Christmas (sorry, holiday) spirit is non-existent in Joey’s installed administration. They claim if you aren’t in Little Joe’s tight inner circle, you are not included in any holiday festivities…..this doesn’t sound like the great unifier, does it Deano? Maybe they are afraid someone will leak some unflattering details. Yep, the most transparent administration since Barack Hussein. I do understand though, that Schiff and Schumer like to pull Joey around on a sled, while he wears his Christmas PJ’s and cap and eats his waffle cone.
The biggest point of contention though seems to be the attack on the Border Czar, installed VP, Kamala. It seems her aides are resigning in record numbers, due to a toxic work environment (very Andy Cuomoish). Conservatives are saying that Heels Up Harris is the most incompetent stooge to ever occupy her office…..even more than Joey, if that is even possible.
Well, Kalamity was having none of this, she addressed all the issues of her overall ineptitude. She says, “the media is unfair in their assessment of job performance and would be different if she was a white male, like all her 48 predecessors.” She added, “that she has been given no headlining role in the administration.” Really? Conservatives point out that she was given the MOST important assignment; to secure the border of the United States! They further point out, at best she is grossly incompetent, at worst treasonous. She is neck and neck for the treasonous title with “General” Milley, who likes to give our adversaries, namely China delicate military information. I mean come on radical right, isn’t that SOP for all military leaders?
So, in a nut shell, Heels Harris says all her criticism stems from her, #1 being a woman and #2 being a minority. Ok, got it. That solves that. But, wait a minute, I thought that was the sole reason Lying Biden choose Ole Kamala. He said so, when running to be installed as POTUS, from his basement. He was going to choose a woman of color. So, if he were to choose a white man, he would be a misogynist and a racist (remember when Kamala basically called him that in the debate…..she doesn’t apparently). You see Deano, it all gets very confusing, you know all the pathological lying.
I have an idea Deano, seeing as though Kalamity has lost former allies in the media like Lester Holt and Charmin the toilet tissue; why not go back to a trusted ally ….Ellen (is she still on?). You could have her and Joey appear together, to gain back popularity. She could come out giggling hysterically in her sneakers dancing and eating some French pastries. Joey could just sit strapped in a chair, blowing one of those whirling things on a stick, yelling wheeeeee! Then the camera can pan to the lovely “Dr.” Jill as tears run down her face and saying, “I just wanted to be First Lady.” Hey as an added bonus, you could have the always level headed Bobby DeNiro running around in the background screaming, F%@ Trump!
Biden’s Christmas Photo
Finally, the season of good will to all men is upon us. Conservatives are curious about the first family Christmas photo. Specifically, they are curious which one they chose in regards to Hunter (famous artistic genius)? Did they choose the photo of him with a crack pipe in his mouth in the bathtub, or the one with him pulling a lovely young woman’s hair as he straddled her? Will he be posing with his current girlfriend/wife or his brothers widow who he dated for a period of time? Ah yes, these holiday decisions that we all have to make.
Pravda, I Mean The NY Times
Finally, I hope you guys over there at Pravda, sorry, I mean The NY Times have a great holiday season, Deano. I hope Slushy was generous with his bonuses this year. No doubt that will depend on how generous Georgie Soros is. Hey, maybe we could meet up at Barack’s 29 acre, $12,000,000 estate in the affluent Martha’s Vineyard for a holiday drink (maskless of course). This is not to be confused with his $9,000,000 estate in Washington DC. I would love to see what him and Michael have done with the place. Hey maybe we could invite Nancy, I understand she likes a Chardonnay or 12. That may be the reason she recently declared, “O’biden is just perfect,” maybe this was said late into one of her Christmas parties.
So, you pillars of journalistic integrity, reflect on all the good you have done for our nation, and all of mankind. Your unbiased, apolitical, truthful reporting gives us all hope this Christmas season. Thank goodness, you don’t print that propaganda that the radical right does. You should hold your heads high, and be proud, as you look yourselves in the mirror…………I think.
From: Chris Cirino