by OPOVV, ©2021
(Feb. 3, 2021) — “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” (2:09)
ACT I
The orchestra stops playing as the house lights dim and the curtain rises to a stage set with one round table for two, white tablecloth, small vase of two long-stemmed red roses in the center. Enter stage right is a Maître d’ leading a well-dressed lady and a man in a tux.
“Welcome to the Che Buffet Depot, a one-stop epicurean center; hope you enjoy your meal. Allow me to introduce Andrea, our most experienced waiter. The stage is yours, Andrea.”
The Maître d’ exits stage left.
“Good evening, lady and gentleman. Today we have a variety of main courses, from freedom to slavery and every flavor in between. Please place your ante on the table and we’ll get started.”
“Pardon me?”
“As you wish, Sir, but first the money ‘on the barrelhead,’ as they say. I need not remind the gentleman that pardons are not cheap these days?”
“I’m sorry; I’m a little confused.”
“It’s very simple, Sir. A traffic ticket is one thing while a conviction of voting fraud is altogether another ball game. Which will it be?”
“I was thinking of a cheeseburger for myself and maybe some Chateaubriand for the little lady.”
“As you wish; meanwhile you must ante-up something. May I suggest an even $1,000, just to be safe, although a Benjamin will get a pleasant hors d’oeuvre.”
“Okay, here’s a hundred.”
“That’ll buy you ten escargots.”
Waiter exits stage left as the curtain lowers
“The Liberty Song” (2:23)
ACT II
The curtain rises as the music ends and we see Andrea the waiter carrying a tray to the table.
“Here are your delicious snails, Madam and Monsieur.”
Andrea makes a theatrical production of serving.
“But they’re alive!”
“But, of course, Monsieur, they are sushi escargots.”
“Japanese snails? But I ordered French snails.”
“Not for a hundred dollars you didn’t, Monsieur.”
“Please take them back.”
“Very well, I shall take them back. I must tell the Monsieur, there are no refunds and a restocking fee will be assessed, I’m sorry to say. Have you decided on the main course?”
“I want to know what the heck we pay taxes for, is what I want to know. I didn’t pay taxes for a fraudulent election, I’ll tell you that. So you’re telling me that the thousands of government employees couldn’t even run an honest election, right in the middle of the ‘Beacon of Freedom’? If you’re going to take over my country, I demand a refund of every red cent the government collected from me since my birth because I sure as heck didn’t get my money’s worth with the likes of Biden-Harris, I’ll tell you that. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”
“You sound like you voted for Trump, Monsieur.”
“Wrong: I voted for the Constitution; Trump just happened to be on the ballot.”
“But so was Biden.”
“But Biden is not for the Constitution, or is that too difficult?”
“Biden is for open borders; he allows illegal immigrants to molest our children, rape our daughters and kill our wives and, as an afterthought, dismisses our military for being nothing but canon fodder, and that’s what we voted for and we are proud of Biden trashing the Constitution.”
“If we had a military, if we had a Joint Chiefs of Staff that had an ounce of integrity and honor, we wouldn’t be in the mess that we’re in. I guess they don’t teach honor at the Point anymore, or do they?”
“I wouldn’t know about the military, Monsieur.”
“What I’m saying is that the Republic is in a nosedive and we have a military that fought two World Wars against enemies that wanted to take over our country. Well, here’s the news: we have an enemy that is taking over our country and to expect the military to sit on their duff and do nothing is a little bit beyond incredulous.”
“But we have the men and women in Blue, our honorable police officers, Sheriffs and the State Police.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re comparing people who get to go home every night to people who don’t. Sorry, doesn’t compute. You can’t compare cops, who never served a day in the military, to somebody who is serving or had served in the military.”
“But still…”
“Nope, not the same. Biden is so far out there to be, well, take a little bit of Paul Ryan’s ambition, add some Benedict Arnold’s lack of patriotism, throw in some of Bill Gates’s greed, toss in Colin Kaepernick’s envy of someone who stands proud saluting the flag and you got the basis for how low on the totem pole Biden is. It’s like the hierarchy of sailors on a ship: everyone is in the chain of command; therefore it is conceivable that even the lowest Fireman could serve as Captain, even if it’s on a life raft.”
“Well, I’m sorry, Monsieur, I’ll have to ask you to leave the premises. Apparently you do not want to listen to reason. Joe Biden is our president.”
“No, he is not and, furthermore, I can prove that he is not BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. Put that in your snail bucket and shake it.”
“You are not welcomed back, Monsieur.”
“Oh, but I am; I’ll be welcome anyplace in the United States because this is, after all, the Land of the Constitution, something you forgot. So where are the Generals who are willing to pick Trump up in Florida, fly him to Washington, DC and take over the Democratic cities and states? Are you hiding, waiting for someone to step forward? I know of a Vietnam Vet who is itchin’ to go.”
“I am leaving, Monsieur, and I will exit stage left. Good day to you, and to you, too, Madam.”
Andrea, the waiter, exits stage left as the curtain lowers and the house lights brighten.
FINI
Exit music.