“AS SCRAMBLED AS I’VE EVER SEEN”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Oct. 19, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentleman, and welcome to another episode of ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your last stop for the news of the day before you slip into dreamland. Hello, I’m Mr. Roving and we’re back on our corner with a Mr. Harold, who was waiting for us when we pulled up to our corner across the street from the railroad station. Mr. Harold has an interesting story to tell, so let’s get a letter out of the way and get right to it.
Dear Roving,
Enjoy the show. What’s your take on bringing our troops home from the Middle East?
Longtime reader of the transcripts,
Katie
———————-
Dear Katie,
I’m all for it and that’s all I’m allowed to say on that subject. I could say something about leaving a parting gift but I’m not allowed, so I won’t.
Sincerely,
Roving
——————–
Okay Harold, what’s up?”
“Thanks for having me on your popular show, Roving. Actually, my name isn’t really Harold but it could’ve been. Anyway, let me tell you my plan. Hillary is supposed to be at, well, she’s supposed to be someplace at sometime where I’ve been in contact with a lot of the guys I served with when I was in the military.”
“Which branch?”
“Army. But let me continue: it just so happens that Hillary is scheduled to be in the same place where we’re going to hold our reunion, so a bunch of us, like forty or so, are going to make a Citizen’s Arrest. What do you think of that?”
“Well, two things: one good and one not so. The good is that it’s a great idea; the bad is you better have a judge on your side of the law. Hold on: I’m just being the devil’s advocate, okay? It’s a great idea, but if our Attorney General, Barr, is afraid to have Hillary incarcerated, I don’t think you’ll have a snowball’s chance. But I like the idea.”
“Well, we’re all set to trot, so I guess we’ll shop around for a judge who will follow the Constitution.”
“Good luck with that, Harold. Wish you well, and off he goes, so we’ll take a commercial break at this time.”
“Flamenco Guitar” (2:22)
“Excuse me, Miss, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the informative show that doesn’t hold back.”
“Hold back what?”
“Good question; I think opinions that are on the money, I suppose.”
“No political correctness?”
“How about Romney is a two-bit backstabbing RINO?”
“I like it; name is Carrie and I used to watch you…”
“On television, but now I read the transcript in The P&E.”
“Took the words right out of my mouth. I’m on my way to work; I’m an Anthropological Cosmologist, a takeoff of Paleoastronomy, sometimes called Archaeoastronomy at the university. Before you ask I’ll tell you: my specialty is calendars that have been discovered by archeologists in the Middle East, calendars that have been chiseled in stone. It’s a fascinating subject and my classes are always filled, which is a good thing for job security.”
“So what’s the draw; what’s so interesting about old calendars?”
“It’s a heck of a lot more than knowing when the winter solstice is; why, any fool can tell you that without a calendar. No, those ancient cuneiform chicken scratches are, in fact, quite precise astrological computers that can calculate the location of Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Jupiter, plus there’s all kinds of information about where our moon will be at any given time.”
“That’s quite amazing.”
“And that’s just the beginning, Roving. Did you know that some of these calendars are good for more than 8,000 years, I mean, predicting the cycles of the zodiac? Think of the effort and time it took to make the observations to arrive at the calculations.”
“Next question: what’s the point?”
“The point is that maybe there’s a chance that our generation – millennial-wise speaking, that is – may be able to learn from the mistakes of others, although it doesn’t seem likely, does it, with people pushing for Socialism? Why, in every instance when Socialism been tried, it has failed miserably, leaving a trail of desolation that can only be described as man’s inhumanity to man. Bernie Sanders and the Pocahontas crowd are selling a pig-in-a-poke: nightmares camouflaged as sweet dreams. You know, eating the family pet, be it a dog or cat, is one step away from cannibalism, which is what the Obama–Hillary-Democrat idiots are pushing, maybe not tomorrow, but sooner than anyone can ever imagine. I don’t think its worth the risk, do you?”
“Are there any Left-Wing Loonies in your class?”
“Never; they’re as stupid as Muslims, believing nothing happened before Muhammad, which is why archeological sites in the Middle East were destroyed by ISIS, at least the ones that they found. Ignorance rules; enlightenment has always taken a back seat to stupidity; what is new is dangerous; and the First Amendment, the Golden Rule and Equal Rights for All are social disorders that must be quashed, even to the point of death, according to the Jew and Christian hate groups, including Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib.
“And this is what you teach in your class? I mean, really now: how do you get away with it?”
“No, that’s just the icing: the cake is learning what the Big Picture is for others, from the tribes at the source of the Amazon River to what we’re able to decipher from thousands of years ago.”
“Wouldn’t it be surprising if the world was really held up by a turtle.”
“Or that God is a mosquito.”
“Excuse me, but here’s my train. See you around, Roving.”
“Bye, Carrie. And what? Oh, guess what? We have Madam Shylock reporting from Cassadaga, FL. And what have you got for us?”
“I have an interesting reading that may interest your viewers, Roving. As a rule I don’t do absentee readings, but this character, Adam Schiff, was easy as pie so I looked into the crystal ball and saw the inside of his head, which is as scrambled as I’ve ever seen. Matter of fact, he’s so messed-up that he believes his own lies, which makes him officially crazy as pie, so I was right all along.”
“It sure seems that way. What else you got for us?”
“I got a handle about the cause of Trump Derangement Syndrome and I’ve contacted the CDC in Atlanta.”
“And?”
“And they say that I’ve cracked it; I found the cause and they thanked me profusely and then told me to keep it to myself, but I can’t keep it to myself; it’s too important not to share.”
“So share.”
“It’s in one of the DNA strands that determines plain and outright stupidity. We all have it, but some more than others. Adam Schiff and Jessica Tarlov are classic examples, as are the members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and most of the bureaucrats who are bona fide Obots. And, come to think of it, there’s a whole lot of people who Trump should’ve fired a long time ago, just as he needs to fire Christopher Wray, today’s FBI Director.”
“Thank you doubly, for sure, Madam Shylock. And now it’s that time where I, on behalf of the crew, wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Season of the Witch” (4:53)