“MINDLESS ZOMBIES”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Jul. 8, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show that informs as well as entertains, ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ Hello, my name is Mr. Roving Reporter, and I will be your host for this evening’s entertainment. We’ve changed our sidewalk location and are now, as you can see, in front of the baseball stadium to learn what our neighbors have to say about today’s chaos, at least maybe to see if its any different from yesterday’s chaos.
“Hello, sir, my name is Roving; care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“Hey, you don’t fool me; you record this and then go back to your station and edit the living daylights out of the footage, and after you and your editor sanitize the product you submit it to the publisher and the lawyers for approval. Am I right?”
“It’s today’s reality; you’d think everybody would be wise to it by now: it’s the corporate lawyers who are today’s bottom-feeders. It’s the way it is because judges are reluctant to throw out frivolous lawsuits because of professional inbreeding, which means ‘The Law’ is made up of the same actors whose roles are interchangeable.”
“Say what? Why don’t you people talk English?”
“Enough. You look like you could actually have a job, so what’s a young man like you doing hanging out at the ball park on a work day?”
“’Work’? What you talkin’ ‘bout? I collect my welfare: they give me my money so I spend my time at the ballpark to be counted as being a productive and contributing citizen of this-here economy: I buy dogs and beer, get it? With your tax dollars: you work while I sit back and watch the ballgame. Justice, Baby; justice.”
“Next? You, there, got a minute to answer a question?”
“Of course. I couldn’t help but overhear what that young man was saying. Distressing, is what it is; wasting his life away.”
“At the ballpark. Somewhere there’s a punchline but I can’t think of one now. Looks like the joke’s on us, doesn’t it: we work so they can sit back and do nothing. Makes you wonder who has it made, doesn’t it?”
“Not really.”
“It was, I thought, a rhetorical question. Now to you: you look like you’re old enough to be retired from the rat-race; care to tell us what you used to do?”
“Not at all. I used to be a professor, but when Obama took over I went fishing, for real. I’ve a cabin in the woods in Minnesota that is my refuge and, you know, it doesn’t take a lot of money to live if everything is paid for. It’s those darn property taxes that you have to watch out for. Every year the schools ask for more money, but you know what? It’s not for ‘better education’; no, it’s for higher teachers’ salaries, that’s what, as if they’re not making enough as it is.”
“Yes, I remember the old argument: do we pay teachers the same as a garbage man or do we pay our ‘educators’ more because of the important job they do? Remember that garbage strike they had in New York City a few years ago? So there goes that argument: a choice between diseases or a clean environment. Me? I take clean streets over a teacher’s pay raise. Heck, the truth of the matter is they’re not teaching Johnny how to read anyway.”
“Why, I believe you’re a true cynic, Roving.”
“Learned it in the United States military. Best training in the world to be a true cynic, at least during the time that I was in. Let me ask you: what’s your take on these Leftist Loonies?”
“I’m glad you asked that question because I’ve got a theory about that. You see, I’m leaning towards a physical reason why people voted for the likes of Maxine Waters, Hillary, Harry Reid, Obama, Elizabeth Warren and all the other kooks.”
“’Physical?’ You mean like a virus of some kind?”
“Precisely. Now listen: let’s agree on one thing from the start: we all have been subjected to the same stimulus, facts, movies, books, television and radio, so how come we have such a different world view?”
“I give: how come?”
“It’s a bug and I call it the ‘Stupid Bug.’”
“Are you for real? ‘Stupid Bug’: is that the best you can come up with? A bug like a beetle or a bug like a virus? Virus: I got you. By the way, what kind of doctor were you?”
“I was a doctor of Political Science at the university and, yes, I know your friend, Professor Zorkophsky, very well. I’d say ‘Stupid Bug’ just about covers it, starting with the ‘Occupiers’ and culminating with the citizens of California and the rioters in Hamburg, Germany.”
“Well, now, I have to say thank you for talking with us and let’s move along to our next contestant. Hello, Miss, care to be on ‘Pulse?’”
“Love to; game doesn’t start for another half-hour anyway. Cat and I watch your show, by the way. Okay, what’s the question?”
“What’s your take on these ‘Leftwing Loonies?’”
“How do you know I’m not one of them?”
“Doesn’t make any difference. Just answer the question, if you would, please.”
“You really are rude, you know that? Okay, I’ll answer your question: they’re nothing but shallow people living shallow lives. And the really sad part of the whole story is that they believe they are doing good but fail to see that they’re being used as, well, I guess you could call them slaves, or robots, or mindless zombies for all that it matters. ‘Meaning well’ and burning cars and using physical force against other human beings puts them in the same category as you moderate-mindless-Muslim (who has no willpower of their own), don’t you think?”
“In a nutshell, and thank you for taking the time to talk with us. And now, on a suggestion from our editor, I would like to introduce a new segment of ‘Pulse’: ‘Letters to Roving.’ I’m supposed to reach in this box and choose them at random, so here goes.
From David: “Dear Roving; where’s that ‘Talking Dog’ you said will be on your show?”
Well, David, he’s more than welcome anytime. It all depends on the dog, I guess. And we’ve time for one more.
From Susan: “Mr. Roving; how come you don’t stay on subject? You talk about everything under the sun.”
Well, Susan, we tried that one time. We had an easel set up and the question of the day written plainly but it didn’t make a hoot of difference. Nice try.
“And I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for tonight’s episode of the ‘Pulse’ and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. The ‘letter’ idea may actually work. By the way, has anyone seen that ‘Talking Dog’ around? No? Oh, well; burger time: my treat.”
