HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Oct. 17, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that is a delightful break from the day’s hype. What we do is hang out under the awning across the street from the railroad station and ask people what’s on their minds. You, there, got time to answer a few questions for our viewers? Roving with ‘Pulse.’”
“Oh, hi, Roving. We watch your show and are happy to know there’s others like ourselves who think John McCain is nothing but an embarrassment to the living, and I don’t mean that disrespectfully.”
“Oh, of course; we wouldn’t have taken it any other way. Where you off to today?”
“Off to a museum; today is ship models.”
“Like ships, do we?”
“Anything mechanical.”
“Retired?”
“Retired the day I reached 60 and started taking home twice what I was making while working full-time, and still do, thanks to some wise investments my grandparents made for me when I was a Cub Scout.”
“Sounds as if your grandparents were pretty nice to you.”
“That they were, and although I knew they bought me some stocks, I completely forgot about them until I received my first annuity check, which was triggered, I suppose, by my collecting Social Security.”
“Interesting. So there is a Santa Claus.”
“Only for the righteous and pure of heart. Reminds one of the ‘Knights of Olde,’ doesn’t it? By the way, my first major in college was ‘Early English Literature.’”
“Ever make any money at it?”
“Not a penny.”
“The question is about this kneeling.”
“Some get it; most don’t have the slightest clue. Here’s what it is: don’t do the crime; behave yourself; live by the ‘Golden Rule’; don’t get publicly intoxicated, but if you do, don’t behave badly, as in being a mean drunk. I was married to a woman who had a mind like an elephant; whenever she got looped she’d bring up my transgressions from decades past.”
“What do you think of our Second Amendment under attack?”
“Where I grew up, on clement Saturdays, the farmers would come to town and let the kids off to hang out at the Dairy Queen across the street from the railroad depot. Back then the main street had diagonal parking and would be nothing but pickup after pickup truck. Each and every one had at least two guns on the gun rack; trucks unlocked; windows open.
“No one thought anything about the hundreds of guns within arm’s reach of, basically, everybody in town and the surrounding environs. The thing about Chicago is that only the bad guys have the guns; giving the guns to the good guys would stop the murders in a day, or however long it would take to clean out the pig-pen; gang-pen; drug-pen; and those who are on their way to spend the rest of their lives in the pen.
“Remember: the Second Amendment is not only there to protect us citizens from an overzealous control-freak socialist-leaning government; it’s also to protect us from the people that the judicial system has failed to protect us from. And here’s my train. Bye.”
“So long. Anyone else care to be on ‘Pulse?’ Oh, hello. What’s your name and what do you do?”
“Hi, Roving. I’m Julie and I’m a teacher.”
“That’s nice. What do you teach and who do you teach it to?
“I teach Middle-Eastern men to walk like women.”
“I’m speechless. Besides the obvious, wait, let me start over: why do Middle-Eastern men want to walk like women?”
‘Our research shows that men make up 75% of the ‘Jihad suicide murderers.’ We need to make it more even so that women aren’t left out of the all important ‘Empowered Women’ equation. It’s all very simple.”
“So you teach Muslim men to walk like a women so, what, they’re harder to detect as they, what, carry a bomb hidden while they wear a burqa?”
“Yes, but you know what? They don’t like black burqas; they like bright-colored ones, like red, green and blue. Blue, by they way, is the favorite.”
“Let me get this right: you teach Muslim men to become cross-dressers wearing blue burqas while they blow themselves and innocent people to Kingdom Come?”
“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. We teach them carrying purses with 20-pound weights strapped around their necks: no mention of bombs, which we would frown on, I’m sure.”
“Where is all this taking place? Do you teach them to music?”
“We usually rent a conference room at one of the many motels in the area, and the song we use is “The Stroll” (2:35). And I’m sorry, but here comes my train. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye. I must say, we don’t get bored here at the ‘Pulse.’ I’m afraid our time together is up for today and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“You believe this? Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Liberty Valance” (3:03)