“NO MORE NFL”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Sep. 24, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the only current info show that isn’t afraid of telling the truth. Hello, I’m Roving and my job is to ask the man and woman on the street what bugs them these days. Excuse me, sir, got a minute to be on television and let your neighbors know your pet peeves?”
“Funny man, I don’t think so: if I were to mention my next door neighbor’s dog trespassing in my flower bed, maybe she wouldn’t bring me those delicious Christmas cookies anymore, or I might mention I’m this far away from seeding the road with nails to take care of the other neighbor’s kids’ cycle.”
“Okay, so don’t say a word about it, but what about North Korea having a hydrogen nuclear device?”
“Make him eat it; make this ‘Un’, ah, I guess I can’t say any four-letter words on television…eat it. Remember that movie that had Slim Pickens riding the bomb out of the B-52? Well, I’d say tie this ‘Un’ character to one of his missiles with one of his bombs and light the fuse. That work for you?”
“Sure thing, but what about any of this so-called ‘collateral damage?’”
“One million today or 50 million in a couple of years; take your pick; I got to run; there’s my train.”
Commercial break: “A Fistful of Dollars” 4:46
“Okay, who do we have here?”
“Jane from here. Dog and I watch your show, and thanks for having the Talking Dog on the other day. But didn’t the dog say she’s never served in Vietnam?”
“Geez, lady, let’s say the dog was, what, five years old in 1970 — which would make her 52 human years now — which equates to around 365 dog years! I’m sorry, but dogs don’t live to be over 300 dog years, okay?”
“But…”
“No ‘buts’; the Vietnam Veteran receives sound waves from the dog and changes ‘dog talk’ into English for us, that’s all.”
“And you believe it?”
“What I believe in is ratings.”
“But you have the loony on.”
“What I have on is a dog that sends messages to its owner.”
“You sound as nuts as that Vietnam Veteran.”
“Okay; okay; there, no need to talk it to death. What’s your take on NFL players kneeling during the National Anthem?”
“The other day the NFL Commissioner, Rodger Goodell made some kind of completely inane comment that left me boiling. He could’ve nipped it in the bud and supported our Veterans, Mom’s apple pie, ‘Old Glory,’ and the ‘American Way.’”
“By the way, what is the ‘American Way?’”
“Respecting the sacrifices made by our Veterans, past and present. Our flag is the greatest representation of our Constitution, and if you don’t respect the flag you don’t respect the USA and if you don’t respect the USA you most certainly and emphatically don’t respect its Veterans. My next-door neighbor served in Vietnam and he’s had it with the NFL: for good. If we can’t agree on honoring our Veterans, then what can we agree on?”
“You asking me? Well, I suppose nothing. They say that 50% of our prisons are filled with blacks, but then they do 50% of the crime, so what’s the problem? So what if they’re 14% of the population? Look, you were talking about the NFL commissioner.”
“Because he’s (Roger Goodell) a no-account person that lacks integrity and patriotism; I just write him off as having no relation to me; like the guy on ‘Shark Tank’ says: “You’re dead to me.’ Well, the NFL is dead to me. And here’s my train; bye.”
“Goodbye. And so goes the show: no more NFL. I didn’t watch one game last year and didn’t miss it nearly as much as I thought I would and I’ll not watch one NFL or NBA game for another year. I’ll not see one commercial, and that’s how I’ll be casting my vote. Every time your TV is tuned to a station, you’re voting for that station in that time slot, so there’s no way to cheat: you are either for our Veterans or you don’t give a hoot. And now I’m supposed to say, on behalf of the crew, I wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. I can’t believe that lady thought that dog was 360 years old, what? Fifty-two years old, either way. What do you say we grab a burger: my treat.”
“Walkin Blues” 3:54