“GET A GRIP ON IT”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Feb. 21, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ The other day I expressed my personal opinion about Melania reciting ‘The Lord’s Prayer’ and the office was immediately inundated with congratulations. However, there were a few Hillary-lovers out there who accused the First Lady of plagiarism (believe it or not) and making rude remarks against this station and Yours Truly. I even had a note sent to me that read, ‘We Muslims only behead non-Muslim children, so get your facts straight.’ Oh, boy, what a messed-up world we live in: instead of getting safer every year, it’s dramatically getting more dangerous.
“Hello, my name is Roving Reporter and my job is to conduct street interviews, which we most often do, right here, at our favorite location, across from the railroad station. Ah, here comes a young lady. Excuse me, Miss, Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”
“Oh, hi, Roving; enjoyed your show last night. I don’t see any talking dog; where’s that dog that everyone says that talks?”
“She’s taking a nap. Let me ask you this: what about Sweden?”
“What about it? It’s cold; it’s either mountains or water, and if it’s mountains it’s snow and if it’s water it’s ice. I think that about covers it, wouldn’t you say?”
“What about their immigration problem?”
“Oh, that Sweden. Well, it’s not Sweden any more, is it? It’s Sweden-stan, just like Germany is Germany-stan, London is London-stan and Orlando is Orlando-stan. And if we’re not careful we’ll be known as the Great Satan-stan. You do know that Sweden is known, far and wide, as the ‘rape capital of the world’?”
“Yes, most of our viewers are pretty much worldwide-smart. Where you off to today?”
“The office where we pack lightweight .357 Magnum revolvers in orange tins: ‘Fresh Oranges from Florida, USA’ to Swedish women so they’re able to defend themselves from the Muslim rape gangs, which is why I knew the answer to your Swedish question.”
“How do you get the money to buy the guns and postage?”
“We run bogus ads in Muslim communities; we advertise on buses, subways and taxis. Never had a lick of trouble. One of our ads reads: ‘Send USD to make Muslim Women Stay at Home’; another, ‘Keep the Honor in Honor Killings.’ We’ve been very successful, you know.”
“I haven’t heard of any big backlash from Sweden; has there been?”
“No, you wouldn’t: the first shipment of guns went out just last Friday. And that horn is my train. Bye.”
“Good luck. And who’s next in line? Well, I’ll be a blue-nosed gopher, its none other than our very own Vietnam Vet with his talking dog.”
“How you doing?”
“Just fine, and yourself? Where you two off to?”
“To the VA to visit our shrink. Another colossal waste of time: we’ve been trying to tell him, trying to explain to him, how the sense of time is different to a PTSD person.”
“You care to share it with us?”
“Sure thing, like, hey, it’s not like it’s a secret. It’s like this: you have your next month, okay? No, let’s make it the next 4th of July. For you it’s like five months away; for me it might as well be on the dark side of the moon. It’s like it’ll never happen because I won’t be here: I’ll be dead. But then it is here and so am I, so how did that happen? It’s not luck: I know that.
“So what goes on here? Let’s say I’m upset; let’s say someone truly and honestly did me wrong, nothing made up here. Let’s say I keep quiet about it for weeks, months, years and then I deal with it, maybe in a somewhat violent way. Are you with me?”
“Yes, I’m with you. So these people who go postal don’t do so at the drop of a hat.”
“No, they don’t. And here’s the train. We like the train: don’t have to worry about some drunken illegal immigrant running a red light. Bye. Say goodbye to the dog.”
“Goodbye, you two. Do we have time for one more? Okay, I guess you’re ‘it.’ What’s your name and where’re you off to today?”
“My name is Leaf and I’m off to the train museum.”
“You wouldn’t be related to our very own Chief New Leaf by any chance, would you?”
“No, not me. Actually, my name is John; ‘Leaf’ is my nickname; I got it when I was ice-skating, and before you ask I’ll tell you: us kids were playing hockey, and as I was ready to shoot the puck for the game-winning shot, my skate hit a frozen leaf and I went sprawling on my face, hence the handle ‘Leaf.’ What’s the question of the day?”
“The Russian connection with the election.”
“Look, the only connection between the election and Russia is the 20% of our uranium ore that Hillary gave to the Russians that she profited from to the tune of many millions of dollars. How about asking me the definition of a ‘traitor’ and I’ll be more than glad to tell you. Put me on ‘The View’ so the loonies can hear the truth about their failed candidate who advocated everything that any American with an ounce of common sense didn’t want any part of: illegal immigrants, ‘Dreamers,’ amnesty and Muslims.
“And speaking of Arabs, how many millions did the Hillary campaign war chest get from those oil-rich countries? So, what, Hillary had to promise that she wouldn’t make the USA energy-independent; that we will forever be feeding off the oil-teat of the Arabs, was that it? And here’s my ride. Adios, amigo.”
“Later. Sorry, folks, but our time has expired for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ and thanks for watching. And so, on behalf of the crew, I’d like to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. So much for Sweden-stan, right? Why can’t our lying media just tell us the truth? Sweden is kaput. Our politicians and left-wing loonies are just as stupid and gullible as theirs. It’s what’s in our future unless we get, as Trump says, ‘a grip on it.’ Burger time: my treat.”