“NORMAL..EXCEPT FOR THE THINKING PART”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Oct. 17, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and do we ever have a show for you tonight. We’ve been invited to the university to witness – on live TV – the dissecting and putting it all back together the brain of a life-long registered Democrat. As you can see, we’re in the operating amphitheater all set to go. At this time I’ll turn the microphone over to Zork – that would be Professor Zorkophsky – who will guide us through the procedure.
“I see we have a number of celebrities in attendance. I see Chief New Leaf and a few others. I see retired General Jack – you know his last name – and a retired Marine Colonel who served in Vietnam, wrote a book and used a credit card at Victoria’s Secret.”
“The patient is being wheeled in and is wide awake, although strapped down, including a head restraint. Oh? Sorry, I was just told that she had some local anesthetic applied to where the saw will cut a section of skull away so as to get at the electronics.”
“Electronics?”
“Oh, sorry. That’s what we call the brain: ‘electronics.’ After all, that’s where the electrical impulses take place, although they take place wherever there is a nerve and synapses. The brain is the ‘CPU’ of the human body, at least in theory. Oh, sorry: ‘Central Processing Unit.’
“The Egyptians had a slightly different take on it. At the end of an Egyptian’s life the guy with the Jackal’s head weighed the dead person’s heart to see if they would go to a blissful end or forever be atoning for the wrongdoings in their lives. Think Mother Teresa (or anyone else, for that matter) vs. one of those Muslims who murdered little school kids in Beslan, Russia.
“But back to our patient. She is a mature woman in good health – except for the thinking part – who has had a history of anti-American military protests. No doubt she would’ve been on King George’s side during the Revolutionary War.
“Now the hair has been shaved and the saw is cutting into the skull. They use a little circular saw, although a smaller version, that carpenters use. And now the saw has been put away and the piece of bone removed.
“Can you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“Are you in any pain? Any discomfort?”
“No.”
“Good. What do you think of when I poke here?”
“And here?”
“Memories of sitting on a anti-aircraft gun in Hanoi, smiling for the photographers, not knowing I was being used as a pawn in a macro-political chess game.”
“Are you sorry for shooting down Americans?”
“I didn’t actually shoot any Americans down.”
“Perhaps not, but you nailed the coffin closed, or helped to.”
“The war was wrong.”
“No, the war wasn’t wrong. What was wrong was the way it was fought, just as today’s wars are fought. What we need is a General George Patton.”
“I’m anti-American because it gets me in the news.”
“Good for you.”
“I’m anti-American, which is why I am a Hillary supporter.”
“When I push this probe here what do you feel?”
“I feel like I want to join up.”
“Is there any part of your brain that you would consider ‘normal’?”
“Well, now that you mention it, I kind-of liked the part ‘I want to join up,’ although I sure wouldn’t tell anybody about it.”
“Why the heck not?”
“Because that’s the reasoning part of my brain. We need a strong military in order to remain the ‘Beacon of Freedom,’ is why. Without America we can kiss freedom of thought, let alone expression, goodbye forever. No independent films, books, poems or songs. Bob Dylan’s Nobel Prize will be revoked.”
“Speaking of which, the piece of skull is being super-glued back in place. I’ll turn it over back to you, Roving.”
“Thank you, Zork. Well, there you have it: the brain of a Democrat is just like the brain of a normal human being except for the thinking part. The Democrats think it’s cool to hate America, to ‘kneel’ for our National Anthem, and to vote for the destruction of freedom. Sad, is it not?
“And that’s all the time we have for now, sorry to say. Wait a moment; there’s some kind of commotion going on down there. Zork? What’s happening?”
“Well, it seems as if a terrible mistake was made. After the patient was unstrapped, she got off the gurney and marched out of here.”
“Did you say ‘marched’?”
“As if she was in Boot Review. But that’s just the half of it. She was also singing.”
“Singing? What do you mean?”
“I mean, she went off marching down the hall singing the National Anthem, and then went on to ‘This Land is Your Land’. And then I heard snippets of ‘Over There’. I don’t know what to say. The hospital will surely be sued.”
“Not at all; I mean, maybe she would’ve seen the light all by herself, right? Maybe she was a Trumpster all along; who knows? Think positive, you know.”
“Oh, yes, of course, all by herself. Well, I see everything is okay now. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it. Well now, it seems a Patriot was born today, how about that? Good for her. And that’s all of our time and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Great show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Subterranean Homesick Blues’ – Bob Dylan