“TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Apr. 25, 2016) — “Good evening, stalwart viewers, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ We’re back on the sidewalk but not under the awning. We’ve been displaced by a group of young men who seem to have a problem working a belt, which means that the chances of their ever comprehending the Dewey Decimal System is out of the question.
“We’ve been told that the concrete slab under the awning is their turf and that we’re not to be found broadcasting from there in the future. Stan, my cameraman, said something along the lines of ‘Failed Static Defense 101, did you?’ Their response was a cacophony of ‘No comprehendos’ and ‘Say what’s?’
“Anyway, our sound boom operator just called ICE so maybe we’ll have a show within a show. Meanwhile, here comes a person to interview. Excuse me, but . . .”
“I know who you are. We watch your show every night. Whatever happened to Chief New Leaf? And what about broadcasting from that Baptist church over on Hawthorn?”
“Call my producer. I’d like to ask you a couple of questions; would that be okay with you?”
“I saw that dog interview you did the other day. My wife and I almost died of laughing ourselves to death. Okay: shoot.”
“Mind if I ask what you do for a living?”
“Did, son, did. I’m out of the stockbroker game these days. I’m retired and loving it.”
“You ever do any insider trading?”
“Never. You know what? More times than not people lost their shirts on ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ deals. No, there was plenty of money to go around doing it the honest way. My secret was betting my money along with my customer’s so I always had a dog in the fight, which is how I made my money because when it’s your own money on the line, you tend to be a little more conservative.
“Even my secretary got into the act. She made some money, but the most important fact is she never lost any. Look, I don’t want to seem rude, but I’m to meet my wife for brunch. Maybe we’ll see you there later.”
“Later. You’re next. Mind if I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“You mind telling the viewing audience what you do for a living?”
“Not at all.”
“The other shoe hit the floor.”
“Oh, sorry. I’m a Democratic Strategist.”
“Mind telling us what you actually do for a living? What are the nuts and bolts of your operation?”
“Be glad to.”
“Now you’ve two shoes on the floor. You wouldn’t be, like, a flake or one of those ‘out-to-lunch’ people, would you?”
“Look, I’m a respected Democratic Strategist, I’ll have you know. Why, I’m on television every Sunday morning.”
“And while you’re on these television stations, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that the Republicans have some serious issues. And that you can’t deport 11 million undocumented guests.”
“If you’re a Democratic Strategist what business is it of yours what the Republicans do or don’t do; say or don’t say; fight among themselves or get along: it’s none of your business.”
“Truth be told, we’re trying to deflect any scrutiny about what we’re about, so we emphasize the Republicans and, if all is going well with them, we make up problems. Like we’ve been pouring money, time and effort into the Cruz campaign in order to put a wrench into the Republican Party.
“I’ll have you know it was me that started the ‘Anti-Trump’ nonsense, from which I received one heck of a healthy bonus.”
“Six figures?”
“Seven.”
“’Destroy the country for money’ seems to be the name of the game these days.”
“Well, let’s take a real look at reality. We have ‘Creeping Sharia‘ taking place every day in America. We have hundreds of Muslims arriving at JFK, Chicago and Atlanta – let alone across the borders – so if you can’t see the writing on the wall that’s sure not my problem.
“Look, I’ve said enough. We’re not going to deport the illegal immigrants or their children and we’re not going to stop the invasion of Islam. ‘Take the money and run’ is the new Democratic motto.”
“But hasn’t that always been their motto: ‘Take the money and run?’”
“Well, yes, it has. We siphon as much of the federal money from the ghettos and all the other so-called federal help programs as we can get away with – plus a little — and divide it among ourselves – and mayors — and we’ve been very successful at it. Hey, there’s my train. Nice talking with you.”
“Wait! Doesn’t it bother you spilling the truth? Telling people you’ve been stealing from them?”
“Not at all: they expect it. Anyway, who cares? Bye.”
“Goodbye, Democratic Strategist, and good riddance. Well, that’s our show for tonight. One thing I want to say is this: there’s no such thing as ‘can’t.’ Thanks for watching, so on behalf of my crew I’ll be saying goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Good show, guys. Oh, look. There’s the ICE van and, look, they’re waving at those clowns on the corner as they drive right on by. Figures. Let’s go get ourselves some burgers. My treat.”