A NEED FOR “MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELORS”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Apr. 2, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the family show that’s sure to educate and entertain. We’re here at the city’s convention hall with the ‘Better Entrepreneurs Milking the System of America,’ or BEMSA. With me is the head honcho, Mr. Ralph Newton.
“Welcome to our show, Mr. Newton. Could you please explain to our viewing audience what BEMSA is all about?”
“Be glad to, Roving. BEMSA — pronounced ‘beem-sah’ – is a non-profit organization that honors enterprising individuals who came up with a bright idea to make a lot of money. We usually have our gala event in January honoring the contestants of the following year, but when we heard about this doozy idea, we just had to act.”
“Okay, then, don’t keep us in suspense; what was the idea and who won it? By the way, what do they win? Money? An award? What?”
“Recognition is what they win; bragging rights. The honor goes to this young lady, Miss Lela Flowers.”
“Hello, Miss Flowers. Well, you hit the jackpot, that’s for sure. I had no idea that this BEMSA thing was so well-known; this hall is packed. On the way over here I learned that the hotel and motel occupancy rate here in our city is at 100%. I’m very impressed, and you won it all. So, tell us, what was your bright idea?”
“Hello, Roving. Watch your show every night. The idea was right there for anyone to run with, but I got it first; ‘ground floor’; got the necessary loans, and the rest, as they say, is history. I became an overnight millionaire.”
“Hey, how about treating us to a burger after the show?”
“Be glad to.”
“Just kidding; it’ll be my treat. So tell us about the idea and how you’re making all kinds of money?”
“Be glad to. It all started out with people writing – in chalk — ‘TRUMP 2016’ on sidewalks. But that wasn’t the thing that caught my attention, no; it was people becoming unglued about it, which lit the spark; my idea.
“The next thing I did was to see what were the dumbest colleges and universities, you know, the ones that had the most Affirmative Action students. There were so many that I had to ask for a lot more money than I thought I’d need at first.
“This is how it works: for every 2,000 students one trailer is required. Each trailer requires six employees, plus the tractor (truck) driver, but the driver doubles as security and janitor. The trailers convert to RV’s after the workday is done.
“The employees wear white coats and have fake diplomas hanging on the walls in the trailers, which are partitioned off as separate cubicles. The girls in the white coats are all young, mousey-looking with glasses – real or fake – that give the impression of above-board earnest caring.
“What we do is to visit these dens of ignorance and, at night, write ‘TRUMP 2016’ all over the place. Don’t worry; it washes off when rains. The next day thousands of these students require ‘counseling and mental health evaluations’, which is when our trailers roll into town with ‘dedicated mental heath counselors’, all prim and proper: aboveboard; able and willing to help each traumatized student at $750/hr., I kid you not. It’s what the government is willing to pay.
“I lease the tractor-trailer combo and pay the help $30/hr. My expenses are minor compared to my take; trust me. I have more then 300 trailers out there. The government pays me direct deposit while the help get paid in cash, thereby avoiding taxes, workmen’s comp and all the other financial burdens that the government places on small business owners.”
“Wow! Pretty smart. So you targeted people who REALLY don’t want a job, is that it?”
“Yes, that’s all there is to it. You see, the driving force is stronger NOT to work than to pay taxes TO work. Look, remember when Alan Keyes ran against Obama in Chicago? Keyes promised jobs while Obama promised welfare and, as they say, the rest is history.”
“Excuse me, but our time is up, sorry to say. Thank you, Mr. Newton, and congratulations, Miss Flowers, on your BEMSA award; we can see why you won it. Good job. And with that – on behalf of my crew – I’ll be saying goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Great show. Good camera work, and the sound was right on. Let’s grab a burger. You’re all invited. My treat.”
[Special thanks to Jeff Crouere for giving me the idea for this editorial.]