THE “SIEGE GUY”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Mar. 18, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another exciting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ As you can see, we’re under our favorite awning across from the railroad station not too far from one delicious burger place. Anyway, because we’ve been here so often, we’ve become a magnet for nut cases, and if the cameraman would pan a slow 360 you would see them holding banners and waving while yelling ‘Hi, mom,’ which drives me bananas, as our dedicated viewers know.
“We see a sign reading ‘Hillary Stand-Down Clinton,’ another ‘Benghazi: Republican Fairytale,’ and then there’s a strange one reading ‘Siege Towers for Sale or Rent.’ I’ll wave him on over.
“Good morning. Roving Reporter here. What’s with the sign? You advertising something or what?”
“Hey, good morning to you, too. Actually, my sign has two sides, see? One side says ‘We Love Our Trump’ and the other is the advert for our siege tower.”
“And that’s what piqued my curiosity. Mind elaborating on the siege tower part?”
“No, not at all. Remember back in the days before large artillery shells, when towns were fortified with walls? In order to attack a castle, for instance, you had to have siege towers to get over the walls. Break it down to its basics, a siege tower is nothing but a ladder – or stairs — with sides and a roof. Get the picture?
“Here’s a brochure. Turn to page 3. See, that’s a picture of a siege tower at the time of King Arthur.
“Now skip the middle part and go to page 11. See, that’s what we’re selling today, or hope to sell as soon as Trump gets elected. Our models are built on the backs of 4×4 pickup trucks; made of lightweight but strong aluminum and, get this – this is the best part – are collapsible to morph into what passes as a camper top.
“Right now we have three models: 12’, 16’ and 20’. If Trump builds a wall 30’ tall, we’ll match it. Our siege towers are 100% American-made, as are the delivery apparatuses, or trucks.”
“You mean to say that you’re supporting Trump so you can make money building portable ladders for illegal immigrants?”
“We don’t ask our customers how they’re going to use the item, you know. That would be rude and unprofessional.”
“No, but it seems that you’re missing the heart of the matter; you know, about the deportation of illegals and not allowing any in our country in the first place. Illegal immigrants murder, rape and steal jobs – same as stealing money — from us Americans, or don’t you care?”
“You’re laying a lot of the blame on us for no reason. We’ll be providing jobs and opportunity to many people. We’ve got a manufacturing plant all lined up to go on-line in Bisbee, AZ. We’re very excited.”
“And off you go. Gee, of the entire nut cases and he thinks he’s a true American for, what did he say, ‘providing jobs?’ Well, I’m glad you saw it. Time for one more person to interview? Step on up, then. Please state your name and where you’re from?”
“Robert from right here.”
“Okay, Robert, what’s on your mind for today?”
“This anti-Trump nonsense is backfiring, but it’s all they can do. I mean, once you accept the facts: jobs or no jobs; equal and fair trade and, most importantly, safety, which means leave the Muslims at home in the Middle East…You know what? America reminds me of the song by Bob Dylan called ‘It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding).”
“How’s that?”
“We have a chance to fix our home, or else we can simply accept our just rewards for not taking the honorable way – I didn’t say the easy way – and doing what we have to do, and that reminds me of yet another song by Dylan: ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.’
“Look, we’re going down the tubes. Would you believe there are actually Americans supporting the abolition of the Second Amendment? My stupid brother-in-law is one of them; works for the county. No, we got to take the reins; the bull by the horn; stand tall.
“Listen: no more so-called playing by the stupid Rules of Engagement. No more waiting for the bad guy to draw first: he did wrong so you waste him. Remember the last scene in ‘Once Upon a Time in the West’? Well, Charlie Bronson was the ‘Avenger’ while Hank Fonda was the bad guy; you know, always wore black. So what makes the last scene so memorable, so fascinating, what really made the whole movie – really – was the good guy drew first and shot the bad guy dead as a doornail.
“And that’s what we need to do: be pro-active. ‘Do unto others before they have a chance to do it to you’. A-men.”
“A-men. Well, folks, that’s our show for tonight and we’re so glad you tuned in. Once we went on cable we began receiving a ton of mail, and we thank you for each and every one. And so, on behalf of my crew, I’ll be saying goodnight: Goodnight.
“How about that ‘siege guy’? Do we ever have some characters in our town or what?. What do you say we grab a burger? We sure deserve it after today. My treat.”