ARE “WE ALL MUSLIM?”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Dec. 18, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and as you can see we have with us tonight a returning guest, Doctor Professor Goldman. In light of some of our citizens’ totally off-the-wall behavior — especially in our public schools — where saying ‘Merry Christmas’ will get one expelled, what’s going on? This is not what we would consider rational behavior by any stretch of the imagination, or am I wrong?”
“Right, wrong, who knows? The human brain is a fathomless mystery; this is what we do know. We know more about what we don’t know than we know about what we do know, you see?”
“No, actually, I don’t see. You know what you sound like? Not to be rude or anything, but you sound like an applicant for the State Department; someone who just graduated from Yale or Princeton with a degree in ‘Double Speak,’ or Political Science; take your pick.”
“I’m tenured so I earned the license to talk gibberish and get away with it. Now pay attention and maybe you’ll learn something. If there’s one thing Michael Moore has done to the people of America, it was to destroy the ‘Surprise Factor’. In the recent past of human history — not just America’s – people had a weapon that everyone had but didn’t use due to social constraints, and then Elvis came along. The adults were shocked but the kids loved it. I see your look. You think I make some kind of joke! I make no joke! Leave! Now!”
“Look, here’s 20 bucks, let’s say we finish this interview, okay?”
“I say ‘leave now’ as an expression only, as in ‘Come to your senses’ doesn’t mean to drop what you’re doing and race on over to the synagogue to prayer. Let’s see that 20. Thanks.”
“Tell us, Doctor Goldman, what’s with the support of the practitioners of female genital mutilation? I mean, when do reality and the concept of right and wrong enter the picture?”
“Never! Listen and pay attention. I’ll be using psychological, esoteric words that to you have no meaning, but they must be spoken. The human mind, once unglued, can never be put back.”
“That’s it? You’re supposed to be the Hot Shot here; you tell me.”
“Listen more: many, if not all, old nursery rhymes have a basis in fact. Think of Michael Moore as Humpty Dumpty put together with certain flaws, all of them mental, and you got yourself a completely documented case history of someone who should’ve been a bricklayer instead of making a fool of himself.”
“I see your point, but there’s millions of these delusional Obots running around loose.”
“You’re forcing me into the ‘Loose Cannon Syndrome,’ and I won’t have it. You see your error, I hope. You seem to think that the loose cannon can be lassoed and people will stop and think, and therein lies your grievous error: forget thinking. People of today react to stimulus: no thinking. Thinking will get one in trouble, this I tell you. Not really, but the government wishes it were so. They’ll be raiding our libraries and burning anti-Administration books, just as they did in Hitler’s Germany.
“Listen more. You must think to stay human, therefore Obots are not human, because if a person ever thought about whether Obama was Constitutionally eligible to be the president, there’s only one possible conclusion a thinking person can conclude: NOT.”
“Because?”
“Father not a U.S. citizen and Obama born in Kenya. End of story, so don’t prolong it. We’re getting off-track here. Let’s focus. We were talking about people with warped sense of values.
“Daughter gets raped. What to do? If you don’t have ‘Honor kill her’ on your list, then you can’t be one of Michael Moore’s Muslims.
“You get hurt really bad in an automobile accident and are taken to the emergency room where the attending physician is a woman. You die.
“Family at the beach and one of the daughters cries for help, what do you do? Let her drown rather than be touched by a lifeguard. I’m not making this up, and Michael Moore wants us to be like them?”
“But surely there must be something good about being a Muslim.”
“Why must there? No: I’m neither glad nor not glad that being a Muslim equals a totally wasted life; matter-of-fact, being a Muslim means one has led a negative life, which is a life lived with no positive justification. When I was a young man I saved a mother cat and her kittens from being crushed to death by a bulldozer, therefore my life has some meaning; maybe not much, but more meaning than all the Muslims’ lives that have ever been lived during the last 1,400 years. Ponder that one.”
“They invented the concept of the ‘ZERO.’”
“Attribute that one to an Arab; not Muslim. Getting back to Michael Moore’s desperate attempts to be noticed and recognized as a crutch to fortify his crumbling or nonexistent ego is a dissertation waiting to be written. If I was going for an advanced degree in ‘Annoying Personality Disorders,’ I’d really be tempted to put his story to paper, maybe written as a ‘Movie of the Week’ tragedy; or as a tragedy where, at the end, his raft breaks apart while the camera slowly pans down from the top of the falls and zooms in on the rainbow in the mist below: The End. No, I wouldn’t let such an opportunity just slide away.”
“What happened to him to act the way he does, or, for that matter, any Obot?”
“Simple: delusions of grandeur. The thing with delusions is that they never end well, and in our Obots’ case either Trump will get elected and the Obots will be exposed as fools, or else Trump will not be elected and in that case the Obots will be beheaded. Like the Jewish father saying to his son as they enter the showers at Auschwitz, ‘I should’ve listened.’ It would be funny if the consequences weren’t so dire, I’ve afraid to say.”
“Yes, I can’t help but agree. Michael Moore: Just another dumb American being used by the other side. It’s really sad: take Hillary, for instance. Look, how time flies when we’re having fun. Thank you for your time, Doctor, and thank you, viewers, for making ‘Pulse of the Nation’ the number one-watched show in our time slot. This is Roving and crew saying goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Great show guys. Hey Doctor, care to join us for a burger? My treat.”