“MOTHER MARY” VS. “FAMILY HONOR”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Oct. 25, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another edition of ‘What’s Happening?’ in our great city these days. Tonight we’re in for a special treat, a first for us, and I must say we’re very honored to be chosen as the moderator for this debate. So, let’s get the show on the road.
“The theme of the debate is ‘Comparative Doghouses between Western Civilized Men and Muslim Heathen Savages.’ Speaking for our side is the world-renowned intrepid explorer, Professor Professor Wert, and speaking for the heathen savages is someone named Mohamed Hussein.
“Gentleman and Savage, you read the rules and, what? A hand up? What, we’re in some sort of classroom? What is it?”
“Mr. Roving, I vehemently protest. You call me a ‘Heathen Savage.’ How can I be such a savage when I attended the best, the very best, mind you, prep school in England and also received an advanced degree from your prestigious University of Chicago, a degree in Physics, by the way? I also am a published author of a book titled ‘Bombs Can Be Fun: How to Put Together Explosives from Everyday Items Found in Your Kitchen: A Basic Primer on Jihad Weaponry.’”
“Maybe because you buried your 16-year-old daughter alive in your backyard because, what?, she was seen talking to a boy, and not just any boy at that. It was a Christian boy she was seen talking to while waiting for you to pick her up from high school, am I correct?”
“You leave out family honor. You’re the heathen savage here, not me. She bring shame and dishonor on our prestigious family. She wanted to become Westernized. She wanted Western dress. Last year she painted her fingernails so I was forced, forced, mind you, to pull her fingernails out with a pair of pliers that I bought at half price. Her mother and brother held her while I restore our honor. A great day, to fight for honor.”
“Yes, I’m sure it is, but your so-called ‘honor’ doesn’t quite jive with the honor of Western values. So she was seen talking to a boy, so what? For all you know, she could’ve just told the boy to ‘Bug off;’ you don’t know.
“And by the time your daughter was reported missing by the school authorities, dogs and wild animals had already dug up the grave so there were no corpse, and your wife swore you had her sent back to Iraq or Somalia, wherever your from, so no charges were ever filed. And that makes you a savage, plain and simple.”
“Then I protest!”
“Enough. Here’s the question of this debate: tell us about the differences between the two doghouses, one a Christian, the other Muslim. Mr. Hussein, you won the toss and elected to go first.”
“Thank you, Mr. Roving. Muslim doghouse very nice. Calm and peaceful. Women keep mouths shut, trust me on this. They no talk back. The only speak when asked questions us Muslim men want answered in the affirmative.”
‘Your turn, Professor.”
“A Western Man’s Doghouse is of the mind; it’s not a physical place. In Western culture Mother Mary looms large, as she should, being the mother of Jesus, so we the womenfolk benefit from the connection. And when us men transgress, we get sent to the doghouse and, let me tell you, it takes a lot more effort to get out of the doghouse than it does to get in.
“You see, our doghouse is of the mind, not a physical contraption like this savage next to me has to deal with which, when you come to think of it, is a heck of a lot more peaceful that worrying about your neck being slit while you’re sleeping.”
“You hear him! He called me a savage! And our wives would never even dare to even think about slitting our throats while we sleep. If we even thought that they would, we slit their throats first, and go even further: we behead them! We preserve family honor, is what we do. You have no honor.
“Look at your women in the audience here. Why, look at the female who holds up the sound boom! Wearing shorts and a blouse with short sleeves! No scarf on her head. If she were my wife I’d whip her, and if she were my daughter I’d bury her alive! We Muslims have honor: you have none.”
“Well, it’s been a very informative and interesting debate, and I’d like to thank Professor Wert and Mr. Hussein for taking part in it. I’m sure we all learned a lot and can make up our own minds which side, Western Civilization or Islam, won.
“If any of you are not quite sure which philosophy is better for the continuation of the human race, we’ll be up here on the stage for a while after we sign off. On the other hand, if you haven’t figured it out by now, our crew and I want nothing to do with you. Please, stay away. I mean it.
“So, enough said. Thank you for watching our show tonight. This is Roving saying goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Let’s get the heck out of this madhouse. Did you see all those clowns in the back row?”
“They weren’t clowns, you idiot, they’re Muslim women in their burqas.”
“Hey, maybe they heard the part about cutting their husbands’ throats. See, maybe some good came out of this ridiculous debate after all. What do you say we grab a burger on the way back? My treat.”