“ONE BIG LIE”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Oct. 3, 2015) — “Do you see them?”
“Hard to miss. Did you see the one on the right fall? Bet he broke his leg.”
“Wouldn’t be a bit surprised. Could’ve taken the road; make that should’ve taken the road. Like, you know, we’re not going to do anything.”
“You know what that means? It means that maybe they don’t know everything. See, if they knew we couldn’t, like, just pick them off one by one, that it would be against our Rules of Engagement; they wouldn’t be climbing down that mountain in the middle of night.”
“Maybe we should tell them, after all, ‘Hearts and Minds’ nonsense.”
“Ha! Good idea! Why don’t we take it to the limit; who’s to stop us?”
“So what, exactly, are you proposing?”
“Look, what does our band do? I’ll tell you, just sit back on base doing nothing. Why, they don’t even stand guard. So some bigwig lands once a month, stays for an hour, then hightails it out of here. They meet the plane, play a few bars and do the same an hour later. Once a month.
“I say let’s call them up and schedule a parade come sunrise. I figure it would take them Ragheads that long to reach the road down there and then our band can lead the way into that village. Make that marching into the village. Heck, it’s going to be taken over anyway, so this way there doesn‘t even have to be a fight.”
“Well, the girls would. The ones who went to school.”
“They’re the walking dead anyway. The day we opened up that school we signed the death sentence for every girl who walked through those doors. I know it’s not the way it should be but that’s just the way it is, has been, and will be, likely for the next 1,400 years. They’re really good at it: they even behead their wives and daughters back in The World.”
‘I remember seeing some banners back at base; ‘WELCOME BACK’ was one of them.”
“That’s right. There was another one that read, ‘VICTORY IS OURS.’”
“Right you are. Get on the horn and order up one marching band with those two banners. And a couple of roach-coaches — canteen trucks — and see if there’s a Stars and Stripes reporter on base with a camera.”
“Can do.”
“You sure about this, Skipper? I mean, all we’re supposed to do is sit here to watch and report what we see.”
“No, we’re good. See, when the Taliban takes over a village in this here Afghanistan it’s like they’re taking over, right?”
“But they are taking over.”
“Not if we give it to them, they’re not.”
“Gee, that’s why you’re the Skipper. What a great idea!”
“That’s right, Corporal. You see, this is how I got it figured. The band will lead the way — marching, in order, mind you, all spit-shined — then we come on up behind them — also marching, looking good — and those Ragheads follow us in: not marching; no order; no uniforms; a real mess; bunch of slobs and it’s all caught on film. Makes us look real good. And then we hand over the keys to the village: handshakes, back-slapping and smiles, and that’s it.
“Maybe I give a speech about democracy and how everything is working really good. You know the routine: ‘Hearts and Minds.’”
“But that would be nothing but a big lie. It’ll all be nothing but a great big lie. We’re failing really bad over here; you know that. They pick us off like those turkey-shoots they have at carnivals. How many of our guys left the base last month missing arms or legs, and we haven’t done one darn thing about it, have we? Well?”
“Listen: we’ve a chance to make the Commander-in-Chief look good, so we’re taking it, that’s all. Besides, it’s all a lie anyway: a big lie. We all know that Obama isn’t Constitutionally eligible to be the POTUS, but who cares? Not the American people, that’s for sure. Think ‘promotion,’ or at least some R&R.
“This whole ‘Hearts and Minds’ is one big lie. Let’s sell our Hummers and split the proceeds, what do you say? When we pull out we’ll just leave everything behind and they’ll get them anyway, so why can’t we make a little bit of money on the side? It’s not like we’d be doing anything different than the Department of Defense or State hasn’t been doing for the past 7 years.”
“Now you’re talking, Skipper. If we don’t take care of ourselves, the Army sure as heck won’t. Look how they treated LTC Terry Lakin, and it sure wouldn‘t make a bit of difference to these heathens in this rat hole anyway.”
“Well said, well said. Let’s do it.”