“JUST TELL THE TRUTH”
by OPOVV, ©2014
(Sep. 12, 2014) — They say what makes a good writer is to write from personal experience, so I decided to share with you today why my presidential prep-rallies were so enjoyable for all attendees, including yours truly.
Suggestion ONE is to start off with a joke, immediately followed by another. That way, you’ve got ’em hooked and they’ll listen to the rest of the speech just so as not to miss the next joke. After the National Anthem and the Pledge of Allegiance, I’d introduce myself and apologize for not wearing camos and carrying a BAR, “But let me start off by telling a joke: ‘Hope and Change.’ I thought you’d like that one. Here’s another: want to hear an oxymoron? Eric Holder and the DOJ.”
One time, just to make a point, I promised all “Free Twinkies at the end of the speech, at the exits, please, one per.” At the real end of the speech I’d say that I was just making a point: that you can’t get something for nothing. What if I promised you a good life and didn’t say diddly about deporting illegal immigrants? Would you have believed me? What about “I promise to keep America safe,” yet allowing millions of head cutter-offers (Muslims) across our borders; give them free school, housing food, heads? That’s right, no free Twinkies. No free anything, got it?
And they’d laugh, no kidding. They’d just been had and they’re laughing at themselves, and that’s Suggestion TWO: make the audience feel relaxed.
People have fun when they feel safe, so halfway through my speech, after kicking the UN and China out of America and halfway across the globe, I’d bring up the subject of weapons. I’d say, “If I were elected president, every girl, when she receives her high school diploma, after the proper courses and regulations have been duly satisfied, will receive a loaded lightweight .357 Magnum revolver, right there on the stage. Furthermore (I’d say), when a girl, of any age, when at the DMV, must show a loaded gun in order just to get a number. Let’s see ’em!” at which point everybody would raise their loaded guns in the air, laughing and smiling; after all, this is America, the “Land of Brave and the Home of the Free,” and the Second Amendment. And not a cop in sight.
Think about it. We felt safer without the police around; without the FBI taking pictures of every attendee, taking names and passing that information along to the IRS.
“Drugs rampant in this country; millions of illegal immigrants; millions of Muslims, and we’re supposed to believe that the government is keeping us safe? Must be a whole new definition of the word ‘safe.’ They just work at “getting home safely,” while the rest of us get the short end of the stick.”
“Listen, every car fatality that was caused by an illegal immigrant is murder by the Federal government. Every murder by the Beltway Sniper and Major Hasan (the Ft. Hood Muslim Jihadist), and future murders by Muslims in our country, has been, is, and will be caused by the Federal government. Every drug-related carjacking, robbery, home invasion and murder (because of drugs) the Federal government is responsible for by not enforcing the laws on the books and having a revolving-door policy in regard to incarceration and ‘rehabilitation’ (another laugh). By God, we actually have maps showing where convicted rapists, murderers and even child molesters are living among us. Every red dot on the map is where a child molester lives. If I were the president, all the red dots would be in cemeteries.”
“WE understand what’s happening, and it’s too bad that millions of our fellow Americans are just plain stupid, selling our freedom for trinkets. Our government employees have turned their backs on the Constitution. The government employees will follow illegal orders. And it’ll happen fast, from New York to Hawaii: at the same time. Communications and travel compromised; overwhelming show of force; and whether you’re an Obot or a Patriot, we’ll all be herded, just as the Jews and union members, political dissidents and intellectuals, were herded by the Nazis and the Khmer Rouge to the ovens and the Killing Fields: Despotism has only one face: dead bodies.”
“Stay informed. Keep communicating with each other in the same old way: our enemy has one major weakness: stupidity, which we’ll continue to exploit. Spread the word: be armed at all times. Protect yourself, your family, community and country, for there’s nobody left except us. Thank you for being so enthusiastic. Remember, if you want to make a donation, give to the ASPCA and/or to the USO. Thank you.”
See? Piece of cake. You, too, can speak publicly successfully: just tell the truth.