“MR. DE FACTO”
by OPOVV, ©2014
(Mar. 3, 2014) — ACT I
Situation Room in the White House. 19 seated at a table for 20.
General stands: “Okay, we’ve a situation over in the Ukraine. Now, before Mr. de Facto (Obama) arrives, whose turn is it to do the honors? I believe we have a newbie among us; what say we give him the honor?”
Woman stands: “Give ‘she’ the honor, Sir. I’m from the IRS on temporary assignment with the NSA, which reports to Homeland Security. I’m the ‘newbie.’ What ‘honor’ is the General referring to?”
General: “Please be seated. Welcome. The ‘honor’ which the General is referring to is who gets the privilege of saying to the de facto that we’ve a problem, and when he asks, ‘Where are the carriers?’ you get to say, ‘Don’t you remember, Mr. President, you mothballed them all?’ which is our cue to laugh, alright?”
Woman responds: “Sounds good to me, General.”
Door opens and in walks a janitor pushing a dolly stacked with concrete blocks. He proceeds to place the blocks under the legs of the chair at the center of the table. The de facto pokes his head in and the janitor waves him in. Everyone stands. The de facto steps up to his chair, turns and sits down. Everyone sits down, except the woman.
De facto: “Good morning, Infidels. What gives?”
Woman: “We’ve a problem.”
De facto: “Where are the carriers?”
Woman: “Why, don’t you remember? You mothballed them all.”
Everyone laughs as the curtain is lowered.
ACT II
Curtain rises on a presidential press conference. The de facto is at the podium.
Reporter #1: “Mr. De Facto, whose side are you on with the Ukraine problem?”
De facto: “Problem? Where are the carriers?”
Reporter #2: “Mr. de Facto, why do you want to know where our carriers are?”
De facto: “I thought that was what your presidents say whenever they hear the word ‘problem.’ And please address me as ‘Your Leader;’ is that understood?”
Reporter #1: “Mr. de facto your leader, my pen seems to have a problem.”
De facto: “Where are the carriers?”
Everyone, except Mr. de facto, is laughing as the curtain is lowered.
FINI