Americans With No Abilities Act

IS CONGRESS DUMBED-DOWN ENOUGH TO PASS THIS?

by Anonymous

What else will the U.S. Congress do to meddle in the lives of Americans and cater to special interest groups, including those considering themselves victims?

(Jan. 15, 2013) — Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans who have been denied access to the American Dream.  The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Senator Barbara Boxer.  “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over.  With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid – co-sponsors of the bill -  pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a longstanding policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.

At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).  Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.  The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled; banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI, due to her inability to remember righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.   “This new law should be real good for people like me.  I’ll finally have job security.”  With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Senator Dick Durbin (D-Illinois) supports the bill:  “As a senator with no abilities, I speak for other politicians like me who believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities.   It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”

Senator Reid added, “Today, at sports events in grammar schools across the country, even kids that come in last are given awards and trophies. We should extend that philosophy into our workforce.”

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Categories: Editorials

5 Responses to Americans With No Abilities Act

  1. Sidesaddle

    Wednesday, January 16, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    So most of us carved a niche in the work place by developing skills, but these “free phone” idiots/obots will now get jobs and benefits out the……..(fill in the blank!)

    “Senator Dick Durbin (D-Illinois) supports the bill: “As a senator with no abilities,” Shock-a-Doodle and we thought no one in D.C. told the truth!

    Psalm 12: 7-8
    7. Thou shalt keep them, O LORD, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever.

    8. The wicked walk on every side, when the vilest men are exalted.

  2. The Obama Timeline author

    Wednesday, January 16, 2013 at 9:38 AM

    Brilliant! And, yes, Congress probably would pass such legislation. Half the bills they pass are, after all, jokes.

  3. OPOVV

    Wednesday, January 16, 2013 at 7:27 AM

    The World’s Most Infamous Persons of “No Ability”, not necessarily in order, are:
    1. Janet Napolitano for her inability to enforce the laws for which she was hired to enforce. Since she became the head of “Homeland Security”, no less than 3.5 million illegal immigrants has crossed our borders, 2.1 million Muslims, of which 2.1 million would be on any other country’s “Known Terrorist List”.
    2. Eric Holder, the Muslim loving Attorney General who believes that the definition of “The Law” is whatever is the “flavor of the day”.
    3. Army Judge Col. Denise Lind, a person who has demonstrated so aptly that she has no integrity or honor, disgracing her uniform, the Army, the UCMJ, the Constitution for not allowing LTC Terry Lakin to present a defense in his kangaroo court martial, just blindly following illegal orders from the Joint Chiefs of Staff, which resulted IN THE DARKEST DAY OF THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: “embarrassment to the President”, as if Obama operates outside the Constitution. For SHAME. Disgusting. Unbelievable.
    4. Obama is NOT on this list because he’s doing the job for which he was hired: destroy America, economically, militarily, and morally to weaken her ability to defend herself against the onslaught of “Sharia Law”.

  4. Stephen Hiller

    Wednesday, January 16, 2013 at 6:46 AM

    I firmly believe Boxer and Feinstein were joined at the hip when they were born, and still are.

  5. michaelsr

    Tuesday, January 15, 2013 at 1:40 PM

    Just out of curiosity, what is the top echelon for a no ability person? A cabinet position as Secretary of No Ability? Or do they just get transferred to the No Ability Retirement Home with lifetime pension?

    P.S. If these no ability persons are to be properly employed, who ties their shoes for work each day? Who cares for them when they retire? Am I looking at a new potential growth industry for unemployed Americans?

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